On 12 Mar 2004 14:19:03 GMT, (Pechs1) wrote:

I knew a guy that took a dump in his helmet bag tho, while airborne. He was
happy the autopilot worked...
P. C. Chisholm

We had a guy with us in Fighter Lead-In at Holloman flying AT-38s. He
went X-C for a weekend on the Gulf Coast and finished off Saturday
night with a load of fresh seafood and shrimp.

Enroute home, solo, at FL 350 he got the urge--first a twinge and then
an insistance that could not be ignored. He debated, considered,
planned and finally decided that he must. He trimmed carefully, then
pinned his seat (wouldn't do to eject oneself with trou around the
ankles). Finally he began unstrapping. Fortunately he hadn't worn a
G-suit that day. Shrugged out of the parachute harness, but still
clumsily linked by helmet and oxygen mask to the CRU-60 connector on
the left shoulder strap, he then worked his way out of his flight
suit--urgency making his movements increasingly frantic. Finally,
shorts down and helmet bag retrieved from where he had been sitting on
it, opened and carefully positioned below him. His squadron scarf
removed for finish-up duty he released and in the process, nudged the
throttles.

The old J-85s at high altitude had become increasingly intolerant of
rapid throttle movements and as we had often been warned, both engines
promptly flamed out. Sudden silence as the engines spooled down and
the airplane dutifully maintained its trimmed-for speed and began a
rapid descent. Battery power to the radio almost immediately gave a
call from Albuquerque Center asking why he was deviating from his
assigned altitude.

Panicked, he know sat down on the helmet bag with the expected
dirty-diaper squishiness and grabbed for stick while punching at the
airstart buttons. The engines reliably responded and he climbed back
to altitude, flight suit and shorts around ankles, out of parachute
harness, and with no hope of recovering without the world knowing of
the events.

He landed back at HMN to considerable embarassment and an unhappy crew
chief and life-support NCO. He gained a new nickname in the squadron
as well, forever after being known as "Dirty Dan" (last name withheld
to maintain any remaining vestige of dignity for the poor guy.)



Ed Rasimus
Fighter Pilot (USAF-Ret)
"When Thunder Rolled"
Smithsonian Institution Press
ISBN #1-58834-103-8