"Brad" wrote in message
...
About 3 weeks ago, I was awoke by a phone call from my mom letting me know
that my cousin had been killed in a plane crash. Actually, both him and
his
girlfriend. For those of you who were at Oshkosh this year, you may have
heard of him and his father, Ray and David Stits.

Sorry for your loss. I'd hazard a guess that very few people reading your
post have not heard of the crash, never mind don't know who Ray and David
Stits were. Both well-known in the aviation community, and we all feel the
loss.

Anyway, being a PPL/IR, when I heard about his accident I couldn't (still
can't) help but ask, "What if?" What if I had been there? What if I
could
have offered some bit of advice that he hadn't considered? What if....?
If
my only choices were to pull up and stall into a bunch of trees vs. a
freeway full of cars, I'd choose the trees, but I can't help but think, if
I
were only there. Any advice on how to get past this train of thought?

Unfortunately, the issues you're grappling with are really beyond the scope
of this newsgroup. In hindsight, sure there might have been some pilot
error involved. But how in the world would you as a passenger have been
able to change the outcome? It's just not rational to think you could have
made any difference at all.

But grief isn't rational. Sounds like you're dealing with the "guilt" phase
of grief, a very common experience when someone loses someone important.
Your grief makes you feel as though the accident was somehow your
responsibility and of course, the farther from the actual accident you were,
the more far-fetched your hypothesis of how you might be guilty is.

Suffice to say, your guilt is unfounded and yet not surprising at all.
However, what you need isn't so much pilots who are strangers telling you
anything, as much as you need someone who can give you some real
face-to-face talking and sympathizing time. Possibly a trained therapist
could be of use. But mostly you just need to accept that this is part of
your grieving process and that, over time, this train of thought will leave
the station and leave you standing there feeling much better. It may not
happen quickly, but it will happen. Talking with others close to you,
especially those who are also personally affected by the loss, may help.

Good luck...

Pete