Thanks, Judah. Comments in line.

I'm not sure I can offer much in the way of advice. I think this kinda
thing happens periodically, and it's not the end of the world. Especially
(having read ahead) between BDR and HVN (and possibly GON, too)...

My wife & I have both worked in New Haven in the past. I was approaching
HVN from the north, over the city. I was so sure I was approaching BDR, my
mind completely suppressed all the landmarks with which I was fiamiliar.
HVN also doesn't have characteristic candy stripe painted smokestack near
BDR. As soon as I realized the error, I could finally "see" the Q bridge,
the Q river, route 34 & I-91going north from I-95, Yale, etc. It was quite
a shock.

The one comment I would make is that the fact that they reported no radar
contact, IMHO, is not enough to justify cancelling the approach (or
anywhere near "unfathomable" as you describe). Had they said "Radar
Contact, 9 miles East" when you thought you were entering the pattern, I
might have been more inclined to ask for immediate help...

Roger.

The only thing I would have done differently, though is that I would have
told the instructor about the screw up. If nothing else, he might have
taken the time to review your planning and helped you learn from the
situation.

It was dusk; he met me on the ramp, congratulated me, and said he had to
leave. I'm going to go over the NASA form with him today...