You're at EYQ, right? Airnav says it's 16 miles from IAH to EYQ.

Yes on both counts.

It's hard to imagine they couldn't design a straight-in approach to at
least one end of 9/27 that didn't interfere if they wanted to.

No, unfortunately it's not hard to imagine at all. Start by assuming
"they" are typical of civil servants in terms of both competence and
motivation, and it's quite easy.

The fact that they're up to GPS-G and NDB-F must mean they've tried a
few different variations over the years :-)

There's a history to that. In the beginning, there was just the NDB.
Then came the GPS overlay. Then the two approaches were split, and the
GPS got a real IAF and a hold in lieu. In all that time, the FAC was
always 025.

Michael