I know it's dumb, in this age of moving-map-GPS, but we truly are
artificially limited by our sectional boundaries.

Didn't you hear - it's the new Homeland Security threat. Terrorists are
planning to cross sectional boundaries to commit mayhem. Border patrols
are being put in place, and anyone desiring to cross a sectional
boundary will need to contact Homeland Security five days before the
planned excursion for a complete background check.

It had been rumored that some terrorists will attempt a sectional
crossing by car, but this rumor has been dismissed by Homeland Security
Chief Chuck Enlittle as unfounded. "Crossing a sectional boundary by
car is totally impractical and beyond the capability of even the most
determined terrorist." He went on to state that only aircraft, with
their unlimited potential for distraction, could manage such a feat.

Terrorists are planning to use the Global Positioning System to aid in
navigation while they are near the hazardous Sectional Boundaries. The
President is considering whether or not to "dumb down" the signal so
that terrorists would crash, and thus identify themselves. "Why not -
we've dumbed down everything else", he said as he emerged from his
latest appearance, at Contadina University. That plan would have some
flaws, including the two legitimate flights in the air, who would become
so disoriented by the degraded signals that they could not actually look
out the window and see where they are. Instead, the United States is
planning to simply disallow the use of GPS units in the air. Terrorists
would not disobey such restrictions.

Garmin officials are girding for the onslaught, preparing thousands of
ham sandwiches and tuna sandwiches to replace the outlawed GPS units.
Pilots will be able to exchange their Garmin units for the culinary
navigation solution of their choice, after passing a background check.
Installation will be extra, and more frequent data updates will be
needed. Ham and tuna will need to be replaced weekly in the upper
latitudes, and every other day in the warmer climates. Company
officials have cauationed pilots about the hazards of using
non-certified ham or tuna obtained from grocery stores. "It could get
ugly", he was quoted as saying. It was unclear however whether he was
referring to the updates, or to the installation itself.

Jose, reporting from the New York sectional
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