Thank you for your responses. I think I going to stop my search and
resume my life. It is a good life. I am a college professor amd do
volunteer work with children with bad homes (Alcohol, Drug and Mental
Health Center). This week I was working on my book about my husband and
I. This opened a scab and made me sad. I am lucky to have had what I
had. I know that. I was just curious. What I did learn is that life has
a way of happening and we need to make the best of it. I always think I
knew that. I woke up the day after he died and the sun was shining. I
tried to give to others. It was good for me and helped me make a full
life for me. I am going to retire soon from teaching. I will finish my
book. I just need write in small steps so I can handle the emotions
that are connected to it. I may have stepped over the line of emotonal
tolerance this week. I have one book published. This one I don't know
if anyone will want to read, but it has been good therapy for me. I am
hoping it will help another person with a dying spouse have a reference
to understand all the emotions of dealing with cancer. It is not all
sad, but rather is partly a wonderful love story. I was a lucky gal to
have been and still am in love. My children turned out great. I guess
this war touched so many lives. My book might be a tribute to them all.
Who knows. Linda