The Seven Levels of Aviation (Satire) (and with apologies to Ken Rockwell,
the Seven Levels of Photographers)

Master: Level 7 (the highest level)

The Master has a Vision in a tangible form called Flying. He and the aircraft
are one. The Master is the aircraft and the aircraft is the Master. The
Master but thinks, and the aircraft responds.

The Master is a complete Master of his tools. He does not look for the pitot
heat switch; he knows where it is. His hand goes to it before the Master even
consciously thinks it.

Some Pilots think that one who can fly a tailwheel airplane, perform an
outside loop, or land on a gravel bar must be a Master. A Master may be able
to do those things, but they are a part of the Master. One who merely
executes the maneuvers competently is not a Master. A Pilot may be able to
survive an unexpected encounter with bad weather. The Master intuitively
avoids any weather he does not wish to fly in.

A Master may have many type certificates and have logged time in many
different aircraft. Or he may have flown only a single aircraft in his entire
life. It does not matter. The Master does not care what he flies. He cares
only that he flies. An old Master may no longer be able to fly, but he
remains a Master.

The Master does not fly to please others. He may dress strangely or fly a
filthy airplane. The Master probably subscribes to strange or oddball
political or religious philosophies.

Masters do not get along well with management. They show up at the airport
when they wish, fly where they want, teach whom they will, and return when it
suits them. Consequently Masters have a tough time making a living in
aviation. They have difficulty promoting themselves. Frequently the Master
will have a reputation as being rebellious or difficult. Because a Master
speaks his mind, he is often in trouble. However, merely boldly speaking
one's mind does not make one a Master. It is a characteristic also of
Measurebators. Those who achieve financial success almost always have dropped
down to Whore.

Examples of famous Masters are Charles Lindbergh, Jimmy Doolittle, or Bob
Hoover.

Who Level 6

The Whore is a pilot who sells his soul and his freedom for mere money or
other rewards. The Whore is not free to do as he pleases; he is not master of
himself, but of his employers. The Whore does not experiment. He follows the
rules of his employers. He goes to work because he needs the money, not
because he loves his job.

Whores are employed by pimps, who schedule their time and set the rules for
flying, and johns, who buy time in an airplane, go sightseeing, or take
instruction.

Many airline pilots and time-building flight instructors are Whores. The
mantra of the Whore is "Strike!"

Pilot: Level 5

The Pilot does not earn his living from flying, though he may occasionally be
paid for his services. He flies for the love of it. The Pilot has not
achieved the level of skill of the Master, but he flies for the same reasons.
Many Pilots are very good at what they do.

A Pilot who loses himself in the air, feeling the moment, is on the path to
Enlightenment.

The Pilot still views the aircraft as a tool, a means to an end, and not the
end in itself. He is not one with the aircraft.

Sunday Flyer: Level 4

The Sunday Flyer likes to get out once in awhile and fly. Sunday Flyers may
be seen at air shows, fly-ins, and pancake breakfasts. The Sunday Flyer may
fly quite well. Some of them are Masters and do not realize it.

Most Sunday Flyers fly simple, single engine airplanes.

The food of the Sunday Flyer is the $100 hamburger.

Throttle Jock: Level 3

The Throttle Jock likes to call himself a Professional. Many believe that
they are Masters. The Throttle Jock, like the Whore, earns his entire living
from aviation. Unlike the Whore, however, the Throttle Jock is usually poor.

The Throttle Jock does not fly for enjoyment. He flies for commerce. The
Throttle Jock usually knows his way around an airplane, but there is still
much that he does not understand. He will believe and spread many myths and
false information about flight.

The Throttle Jock spends much of his time complaining about how hard it is to
find jobs and how little they pay. He gripes about aviation rules, the
government, and everything else he can think of to blame for his problems.
The one person he never finds fault with is himself.

Rich Pilot: Level 2

There are pilots who, having too much money, buy all of the latest aircraft
and aviation gizmos. They are often professionals in other fields, such as
doctors and lawyers. Many are old and retired.

Rich Pilots fly Cirrus, Bonanzas, King Airs, Lancairs, Malibus, Eclipse jets,
and other airplanes that the rest of us wish we could afford. These are the
pilots who will buy a Mustang simply because it costs millions of dollars.
Other levels of pilots may also fly these aircraft, but Rich Pilots do it
simply because they are rich.

If a Rich Pilot flies well, he will believe it is because of the airplane
that he flies. If he does not, he will blame that also on the airplane.

Some Rich Pilots go on to become merely Pilots, because they have spent all
their money. Others become Masters. Still others sink to the level of
Measurebators.

Measurebators: Level 1 (You cannot get any lower than this.)

The Measurebator has no interest in aviation. What interests him is proving
his superiority over everyone else. He may have many certificates and ratings
and flown every type ever made, and he will never let you forget it. The
Measurebator never stops bragging about his ratings, the types of aircraft he
has flown, the dangers he has faced, or how good his flight simulator is. The
Measurebator is convinced that everyone else is an idiot.

If he somehow manages to acquire a student, he will constantly tell the
student that the Measurebator is one of the greatest pilots of all time, and
that other pilots are ignorant slobs. If the student does not quit, he will
become a Measurebator himself.

The key word is "Pride." The Measurebator must always be comparing himself
and everything else with everything else. All he is interested in is ranking.

The Measurebator is interested in equipment only for its own sake. He will
spend hours poring over engineering reports, looking over the tiniest flaws.
Although the Measurebator does not produce anything himself, he spends a
great deal of time criticizing those who do.

Measurebators may be trial lawyers, engineers, or video game players. Most of
them would rather read about flying than actually fly.

To the uninitiated, the Measurebator will seem a font of knowledge. But
beware. Their sick, lifeless souls want to drag you down to their personal
hells, where you will never again feel the freedom and beauty of flight.

The Measurebator is not interested in why you fly or where you fly. He is not
interested in improving your ability to fly. He is only interested in what
you fly and what your credentials are so he can criticize your inadequacies.
Beware.

One difference between a Master and a Measurebator is that the Master seeks
to build others up, while the Measurebator seeks to tear others down. If you
are concerned about your level of aviation, then you are a Measurebator.