It's probably just because I got a lot of praise during my early
toilet training, but I get irked because flyers never get as detailed
training in emergency radio terminology as recreational boaters do.

Here's what boaters are supposed to pick up from Coast Guard Auxiliary
or Power Squadron classes:

"There are three levels of emergency calls.

"First Level Emergency: The "distress" signal is "MAYDAY". This word
should be said three (3) times: "MAYDAY - MAYDAY - MAYDAY!". This
signal is to be used only when there is grave danger (you’re gonna
die) to your crew or your boat.

"Second Level Emergency: The "urgency" signal is "Pan-Pan" (pronounced
"pon-pon"). This should be stated three (3) times: "PAN-PAN - PAN-PAN
- PAN-PAN!". This signal should be used when you have a serious, but
not life threatening, situation that requires assistance. Some
examples are serious illness or injury to a crewmember, or if the
captain himself becomes incapacitated. Running out of gas is not a
Pan-Pan situation, unless you are in danger of being swept ashore in
high seas.

"Third Level Emergency: The "safety" signal is "Security" (pronounced
as "SAY-CURE-IT-TAY"). This word should also be said three (3) times:
"SECURITY - SECURITY - SECURITY!". This signal should be used to warn
of conditions that may affect boaters in that area. Some examples are
storm warnings, hazards to navigation (such as a huge log or other
objects that could damage a boat) or alerts from large ships when they
are going to be in a narrow channel. ("Security - Security - Security,
this is the car ferry Badger. We will be at the Ludington pier head in
20 minutes.")"

Don