Annual Off to a Good Start
No mention of what make/model, but here's a rant by an A&P about bladders
from the AMT forums... enjoy.
Today a coworker and I were discussing feats of engineering that scaled the
heights of stupidity. We decided that aircraft engineers must be failed
automotive or mechanical engineers finding refuge in the dark, murky
hinterland of aviation, where they are free to wreak havoc on hapless AMT's
with total impunity and no fear of retribution or retaliation. Some of the
beauties they've created:
The "Fruit Roll-up Fuel Cell": Roll it up like a sleeping bag and stuff it
through a sharp metal-edged hole about half the diameter of said sleeping
bag. Now unroll it. Fix it in place with snaps that are located in the right
location, only 1/2" off from where you need them to be. Now stuff flexible
aluminum mesh screens through hard rubber nipples without bending them. Did
that? OK, now put hose clamps on those nipples up inside a 1 inch wing root
gap. Don't forget the one on top! Now, stuff the fuel transmitter through a
hole much too small (it's OK to bend the float arm, right? Just as long as I
bend it back?) Now, line up a gasket sandwich with too-short screws with
seals under the heads. Oh, did I mention the gaskets only line up correctly
ONE WAY? Sorry. You'll have to remove the transmitter again, rebend the
float arm, line everything up in your hand and mark it with a Sharpie. Now
Bend the float arm again and reinstall it. Straighten out the float arm. Got
it? Whew! Good.
Now you get to put all the little floating snap-things in their straps and
try to shove them in holes you can't see, can't feel, but just know have to
be there. Don't miss any! Can't reach the far corner ones? WHAT!!!? God
didn't equip you with four-and-a-half foot arms from birth? Some AMT you
are! Use a two-by-four swaddled in duct tape, dummy! What? No leverage?
Well, duct-tape it to your arm. Hairy arms are for gorillas anyway. Finally
got it? Good! Now hook up the vent line. Never mind the agonizing pain as
the metal rends your flesh. I'll let you in on a secret; these engineers
measured the forarms of an average man at a certain point, then placed the
vent line four inches aft of where your forearm diameter completely fills
the inspection hole. Crafty little buggers!
Now close up the fuel bay panels. Why do we need #3 Phillips screws, and why
are they all rusty and stripped? Oh....because they knew we wouldn't have
any in stock. Nevermind!
Now (drum roll) Fill 'er up. Does it leak? You poor ba$tard! Now you have to
drain it, and you can't put the fuel back in! The FAA would never approve of
refueling from a 55 gallon drum. So you get to charge the customer for
fourty gallons of fuel he never got. Or, tell the boss that you can't bill
him for fourty gallons of fuel he never got because you goofed and it leaks.
Lesser of two evils?
What's that? Oh it DIDN'T leak! Good for you! You showed those bloody
engineers! Ha! Take that!
What's that? The book flat-rate for this monkey motion is EIGHT
HOURS!!!!!!!!!!?????
Jim
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