On Jul 13, 1:16 pm, "El Maximo" wrote:
"Al G" wrote in message

...

At least you had a Timex/Sinclair ZX81, why when I was a kid I had an
abacus and was grateful for it.

Next?

I had to take off my shoes when I counted past eleven g

That would only take me to eighteen, due to the frostbite from walking to
and from school in the snow, uphill both ways, barefoot.

Next?

You (plural) and your obsessive arguing have left me no choice but
to
resurrect a goodie I saved as OneUp.txt. How odd it came from
Usenet


================ CUT HERE ================

I found the following in newsgroup conversation that got out of hand.
One guy
made a sarcastic comment (the first on this list) and then the rest
started
one-upping. Each paragraph is _apparently_ from a different person but
since I
didn't excerpt this, I can't verify it. A professor at MIT compiled
and posted
the result for everyone to stare at.

.... ======================== HERE GOES ========================


Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!

Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48Sx.....

HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex Sinclair! Top
THAT!

I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.

Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my Sears PONG
game.

I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer on my Game-
Boy.

I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the replies!
However, it only
runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive slowing it down.

I fear I will not be getting news any longer... The batteries on my
calculator
watch are running out.

My calculator watch is Solar... And if I turned off the lights, NO ONE
would be
gettings news...

Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract to run on
my TV
remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO able to
shoehorn in the
TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between commercials! Beat THAT!

Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out of 2
inches of
wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime calculations of
particle
vectors during the Big Bang. A complete simulation of the first 2
years of the
life of the universe accurate to the theoretical limit, takes about 5
seconds.

And you guys think you are so great. I just spent the last half hour
getting X11
to run on my slide rule. I am still having problem connecting it to
the net
around here, but I would welcome any suggestions.

So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off of a
paper
clip. Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new form of
television with
7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue paper. Next!!!

Man, that's baby stuff. I'm running a particle accelerator utilizing
matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating everything
in the
fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large glass of water.

Chilld's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very
moment,
raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
at the
same time calculating the heat produced from the new Pentium.

And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
project
which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes (To see
what would
happen if various constants change. Pi-8.4 is an interesting one.) My
hardware
consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper, With it, I can do real-
time
simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.

You guys are wimps!! I've just finished converting a microwave oven
into a
paradimensional teleportation device., The problem I'm having so far
is that my
breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!! May have to eat it raw . . .

Sorry, that's my fault. I'm afraid that the high energy laser-pumped
negentropic
vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is currently
cranking
out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6 per picosecond, was
breaking the FCC
emissions limits and gronking your microwave's control panel. It
should work
properly now. Also, my cat Arthur was FTPing hundreds of terabytes of
PD
software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741 A.D over the faster-
than-light
Ethernet interface I built for him, and this may have been loading the
Net a
little yesterday. My sincere apologies to everyone who noticed any
performance
degradation.

I am bribing that cat with sardines. My next project will use
sophisticated
software from 4741 A.D. to autogenerate trashy science fiction novels
from my
coffee cup. I'm almost there.... it works as well as Windows 3.0

================ CUT HERE ================