"Big John" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 01 Nov 2007 08:46:25 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Big John wrote:
On Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:42:33 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Paul Tomblin wrote:
In a previous article, Dudley Henriques said:
Man, you haven't pee'd till you've pee'd into one of those funny
looking
red plastic pee containers at 30 thousand in an unpressurized cockpit
on
the way to a show site.
I read a story about an F-16 pilot who "returned his plane to the
taxpayers"
due to a mishap while trying to pee in a piddle pack.


That wouldn't be me. If you can't **** without losing the airplane,
you're too stupid to fly :-)
**********************************************8

Dudley

If this keeps going, I'm going to have to tell the story about the guy
who did a #2 in a T-6 as an air cadet on one of his cross country
training flights )

Big John

Interesting! I've had passengers do that after some of my landings.
:-)
************************************************** *********888

Dudley

OK, you asked for it. Another War Story )

Air Cadet was scheduled for a solo triangular cross country in the
T-6 from Stewart Air Field, Newburg, NY to Middletown then to DC
(that's when Student Pilots could land at Bolling Field) and then
home.

Cadet had come down with a bad case of diarrhea but wanted to complete
the X-country on schedule so didn't opt out.

Went to bath room just before take off and did his thing and took off
and was cruising along at 6-8K and the urge returned. Was about a hour
out from home plate if he turned back or an hour to Middletown next
stop so he opted to go on to Middletown.

After evaluating the situation he decided to do his thing in the bird.

1. He took a map and folded it into a cup and set aside.

2. Unfastened his seat belt (we didn't have shoulder harness in those
days)

3. Unfastened his parachute (seat pack) harness and wiggled out of it.

4. Unzipped his flight suit and took his arms out of it and pulled
down and took one leg out.

5. Took shorts down and also took one leg out.

6. This configuration left him able to fly the aircraft with
occasional hand on stick after he had trimmed it up best he could.

7. Put his feet on rudder peddles and shoulders against top of seat
and arched his back and lifted his butt off seat.

8. Slid the map cup under him on top of parachute and did his thing.
(Everything went into cup ok).

9. Still had the problem of wiping so tore a hunk out of his
undershirt and used it to clean himself up.

10. Slid cup out and set on floor boards.

11. Did the reverse. Back into shorts and pulled up. Back into flight
suit and pulled up and arms in and zipped up. Back into chute harness
and fastened straps. Fastened seat belt and all was done.

12. He then thought about landing with the full cup and having to
explain it so being in the upper half academically he crack the canopy
about 6 inches and carefully picked the cup up and with a fast motion
pushed the cup out into the slip stream on left side of aircraft. Zip
and the slip stream jerked the cup out of his hand and it disappeared.

13. Closed canopy and continued on with a smile on his face.

14. After landing at Middletown and taxing to parking area and shut
down, the line man jumped up on the wing and said what happened???
Cadet didn't know what he was tiling about?

15. After he got out he saw the poop had hit the fuselage starting by
rear cockpit and all the way back to the horizontal stabilizer where
the map had hit and stuck on leading edge. Line man got a bucket of
water and some rags and while the rest of us watched and made comments
) he washed the airplane clean.

Rest of X-coutry went well for him and after graduation he made
General. Just goes to show you that someone that smart can go to the
top )

Honest to God true story.

And now you know )

Big John


Must not have been a REAL bad case of diarrhea or he probably wouldn't have
been able to read all the instructions, much less get past step 2.....or 3
at the most. :^)

BS, TP