Robey Price wrote:

After an exhausting session with Victoria's Secret Police, Guy Alcala
confessed the following:

Oh, I've always wanted to roll over and rat someone out to the feds! With
my luck I'll get classified as an enemy combatant -- being a Northern
California native probably qualifies me in the eyes of this administration
;-)

Of course we know that Guy Alcala is simply a clever play on words,
Al-Guycala (the extra c-a is merely a form of phonetic MIJI) hence
Al-Guyla (say it fast, kinda slurred) is pretty darn close to
al-Quada, ergo you are a spy.

If Saddam Hussein had ties to al-Qaeda, by golly you clearly do too.
Kindly turn over your WMD.

Gasp! I knew I never should have talked on my cell phone about going to the
hardware store to restock my stash of Weed-B-Gone. You've figured out the
code, Infidel Dog! Allah curse you!

And to think I believed that reading and analysing data from open
sources was a completely legal activity in this country.

Subversive! Thinking...there'll be none of that.

Well, I must confess I received my early training in critical thinking in that
hotbed of revolutionary training, the California public primary and secondary
school system of the 1960s and '70s. These 'madrassas' clearly had to be
stamped out if we're ever to win the war on terror. Fortunately for the
American way of life, over the last thirty years, through a combination of
political correctness, grade inflation and the effects of Prop. 13 on school
budgets, we've been successful in de-emphasizing the use of logic and reasoning
skills, and indeed almost all forms of debate that doesn't involve shouting at
each other, waving signs or suing. Take that, secular humanist zealots!

OTOH, the USAF
supposedly made the attempt to classify Maxwell's equations some years
back (stealth, don't you know), which would have been an interesting
exercise in ex-post facto censorship.

You've given me an idea, maybe I can sell Avagadro's number (he was a
Mole afterall) and Planck's constant on e-Bay.

You have to give potential buyers a tease -- just to whet their appetite, tell
them what a coulomb is for free, just to establish your bona fides. As for
Avogadro, tell them it's about 6.02 x 10^* -- they get to know what "*" is
after you get confirmation that the (cue Dr. Evil voice) "One Million D . . ."
(sound of No. 2 clearing his throat), "er, I mean One Hundred Billion
Dollars!", is safely in your numbered account (in the Caymans). You'll
probably have to settle for somewhere between $100,000,000 and $1 billion, but
when you go to pick it up, the best way for you to be inconspicuous is to drop
the hint that you're the CEO, CFO, etc. of some multi-billion dollar American
company that has gone into bankruptcy after the discovery of massive fraud by
the corporate executives, and that you're fleeing the country ahead of a likely
indictment. Given the hundreds if not thousands of people they see every week
with the same story, it's unlikely that they'll remember anything special about
you.

Guy