SOME PARTS MISSING
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Our good friends Hank Gilpin and Ray Sanders, from Kalispell Montana,
recently sent us this great antique aircraft classified translation
guide called "Some Parts Missing." Anyone who has been around aviation
for more than a day has seen a least of few of these. We thought it was
a great piece and decided to include it.
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*³It Flies Like a Cub²
*Translation: It¹s heavy on the controls and has lots of adverse yaw in
the turns.
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*³It¹s a Basket Case, But It¹s All There²
*Translation: You¹ll need new wings, new fuselage, new tail feathers,
new landing gear, new tail wheel, new brakes, instruments, control
system, and engine. The ailerons are O.K.
*
*³A Crop Duster Had It, and I Bought It From Him²
*Translation: No two parts have the same color on them
*
*³Fresh Annual With Sale²
*Translation: Fifty bucks buys a signature
*
*³It Comes With An Extra Set Of Flying Wires²
*Translation: Neither set is any good and you¹ll spend $4000 for a new
set and you¹ll wait four months.
*
*³Zero-Time Overhaul²
*Translation: The overhaul didn¹t take any time at all
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*³No Damage History²
*Translation: No recorded damage history
*
*³You Can Buy Any Part You Need From Univair²
*Translation: Univair will take a first mortgage on your first-born
child.
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*³It Comes With An Extra Set Of Struts²
*Translation: The struts were rejected because of an AD note, and the
ones on the aircraft are subject to the same AD note.
*
*³New Stainless Cables²
*Translation: The pulleys are sawed in half.
*
*³You Should Convert To Hydraulic Brakes. There Are Plenty Of T-6 Parts²
*Translation #1: I want to buy the plane back after you¹ve flopped it
over on its back.
*Translation #2: One of the two major T-6 parts suppliers burned to the
ground.
*
*³The Prop Is A Good Core²
*Translation: You¹ll need new blades, a new hub, and new clamps, but you
won¹t have to spend all that money again until five years from now.
*
*³You Can Get An STC For That Conversion²
*Translation: The STC can¹t be bought for any price and the FAA won¹t
give you a field approval.
*
*³It¹s Ready For Cover²
*Translation: Cover it with a sheet and call the coroner.
*
*³There Aren¹t Any Parts For Warner, Lambert, Lawrance, Szekeley,
Kinner, _______(fill in the blank), Engines²
*Translation: True
*
*³It¹s A Waco 10, But You Can Easily Make It Into A Taper-Wing²
*Translation: The fuselage might be enough for a pattern.
*
*³She Oughta Cruise At 150 With That Big Engine²
*Translation: She¹ll cruise at 105 plus or minus 10 mph no matter what
engine you¹ve got
*
*³I¹ll Bet That Old Airplane Is Worth A Lot²
*Translation #1: I wish all old airplanes were worth a lot, then mine
would be too.
*Translation #2: It has to be worth a lot because I¹ve got a lot in it.
*
*³The Rings Must Be Seated. It Doesn¹t Use Any Oil Now²
*Translation: The oil runs out the case.
*
*³It Flies Like A Stearman²
*Translation: If you look like Jesse Ventura, you¹ll love it
*
*³She¹s A Real Bush Plane²
*Translation: She¹s been hauling moose meat, plywood and barrels of
fuel. She¹s worn out.
*
*³It¹s Not The Right Dash Number, But They¹re All The Same²
*Translation: PT Barnum and I are compatible ideologically.
*
*³It¹s Got A 24-Volt System But You Can Easily Convert It To 12 Volts²
*Translation: Throw all the electrical stuff away and start over.
*
*³Homebuilt: Flies Good²
*Translation #1: Takeoff, cruise, and landing are all at the same air
speed.
*Translation #2: Lands like a Luscombe with bent landing gear.
*
*³Minor Rust In The Fuselage²
*Translation: You can see through the longerons.
*
*³It¹s 90% Done²
*Translation: You got 90% left to do.
*
*³A Few Minor Parts Are Missing²
*Translation: You get the paperwork and the data plate. (stamp the data
plate neatly)
*
Pretty funny hu? We thought so too but quickly realized there are a few
new ones popping up that should be added. Here are our additions to the
list:

"Rare"
Translation #1:* There are only three of these on my airport.
Translation #2:* This is the only one on my airport painted blue.

"Sport Pilot Ready"
Translation:* Ready for that sucker that's born every day.

"Always Hangared"
Translation:* Only flown twice in five years.

"This Aircraft Was Recently Appraised For $$$$" -
Translation:* I paid someone $$$$ to tell me what I wanted to hear.

"This Is The Nicest One In Existence"
Translation:* Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.