Well, Christmas is almost here and it's time once again for the Almost
Annual Christmas Poem! Seeing as how I'm feeling of good cheer (actually
I'm not feeling much pain either after half a quart of homebrew
"Ho,Ho,Ho!"), I think now is the proper time to send my Almost Annual
Christmas Poem on it's merry way, to give laughter and mirth to one and
all... to all that is except ONE!

Like I've said before,

"...continuing with my holiday tradition, another of the RAH Scum
will have his chestnuts roasted in a poem. Who shall it be this
time?"

Well, lessee... we've "done" Badwater Bill on Christmas, TWICE:

With a bagful of toys and a 100 proof bottle,
He primed up the engine and gave it the throttle,
"Up, Up, And Away" he shouted with glee,
"Never mind we're overweight and aft of CG." - 1997

I ran outside quickly and looked to the roof,
and saw a battered old plane and a great big fat poof.
He lurched and he burped and cursed loud and shrill,
I knew in a flash it was Badwater Bill. - 1998

Unka Bob has had his turn:

Merry Christmas to Urban who won't drink no bourbon,
Since his teeth have all turned to rot,
He eats corndogs and hash but not sourmash,
He's our friendly ol' Muzzleloader sot.

We used up Ampmeter last Thanksgiving:

"Now Jon likes Thanksgiving, he just sits on his duff
And makes friends with the turkey as they both end up stuffed...."

And Oysterhouse this past Christmas as "Redneck" Santa:

He dragged himself up while pawing his pits
and then screamed out real loud in one of his fits,
"You stupid-ass reindeer! Now look what you've done!
You've dropped me in Oregon, this place is no fun!..."

Will this year be one of the crass wannabees?:

Hay Pinkass, I well not have you dising Oregon.
In your rum soaked so called poems.

Jerry(trying to get on next years list)Springer

This is great when your enemies beg you to be humiliated.

"Sure Jerry, next year, you for sure!" (Right!)

David

Not likely, but you did get mentioned so be satisfied with the small
things, Springer.

No, this year's vict... honoree is someone who we all know well, someone
who is truly deserving, in other words, someone who truly deserves what
he is about to get!

* See if you can guess who it is before he's mentioned by name.

Cheers to All!


'Pastor' Dave

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Another Almost Annual Christmas Poem... Pirate Santa
by Dave Pincus


They've whittled him down one piece at a time,
'Til whatever is left is not worth a dime.
A patch over one eye and a pegleg to match,
Pirate Santa is certainly not much of a catch.

He hasn't a reindeer,
He hasn't a sled,
Just 8 drunken cows
and a John Deere that is dead.

His ability to fly is much overrated,
As he's heavily armed and heavily sedated,
His friends will all tell you he's dumb as a post,
which means that in Kansas he's still smarter than most.

Pirate Santa's a klutz, he hasn't a hope,
He's got as much brains as soap-on-a-rope.
He still clings to many mystical beliefs,
like the Warrior Princess will one day play for the Chiefs.

Pirate Santa's a real ornary cuss,
who lives with his elves on the prarie,
That toy-thieving, quiche eating Stricker,
That nasty old dairy fairy.

With toys mostly stolen and kids all a'fright,
I heard him exclaim as he lurched out of sight...

"I'm a one-eyed, one-horned, Flying Purple Silage Sipper,
A one-eyed, peg-legged, Flying Purple Silage Sipper,
A one-eyed, sawed-off, Flying Purple Silage Sipper"
And he sure looked strange to me!


Bad Santa! REAL Bad Santa!


Happy Holidays to All!

'Pastor' Dave



copyright 2003