Bruce Frank sent me this. I just had to post it. It reminds me of
many of my buddies over the years.

Subject: Fwd: PARTY AT THE COMMANDANT'S QUARTERS

From: "Folis Jones"


"United States Marine Corps"

The former Commandant of the Marine Corps was General Al Gray, a
crusty old "Field Marine." He loved his Marines & during his years in
the Corps he often slipped into mess halls wearing a faded field
jacket without rank insignia. He would go through the chow line just
like any other Marine. Woe be it to the mess officer if the food was
found to be "unfit in quality or quantity".

Upon assuming duties as Commandant, General Gray was expected to do a
great deal of "formal entertaining", fancy cocktail &dinner parties in
full dress blues. The general would rather have been in the field
eating cold "C-rats" around a fighting hole with a bunch of young
"hard charging" Marines. But, he knew his duty, as a Marine, he was
determined to do these chores to the best of his ability.

During such formal parties a detachment of highly polished Marines
from "Eighth and Eye" (Marine Barracks located at 8th and I Streets in
Washington, D.C.) were sometimes detailed to assume the position of
"parade rest" at various intervals around the ballroom (?) where the
festivities were being held.

At some point during one of these affairs, a very refined, big
chested, blue haired lady picked up a tray of pastry &went around the
room offering confections to the guests. When she noticed these
Marines in dress blues, standing like sculptures all around the room,
she was moved with admiration. She knew that several of these men were
fresh from our victory in Desert Storm. She made a "beeline" for the
closest lance corporal. As she drew near him she asked, "Would you
like pastry young man?"

The young Marine snapped to "attention" &replied, "I don't eat that
**** Ma'am." Just as quickly, he resumed the position of "parade
rest." His gaze remained fixed on some distant point throughout the
exchange. The fancy lady was taken back! She blinked, her eyes
widened, her mouth dropped open. So startled was she that she
immediately began to doubt what she had heard.

In a quivering voice she asked, "W-W-What did you say?"

The Marine snapped back to the position "attention" (like the arm of a
mouse trap smacking it's wooden base when tripped). He repeated, "I
don't eat that **** Ma'am." And, just as smartly as before, back to
the position of "parade rest" he went.

This time, there was no doubt. The fancy lady was incensed, &insulted.
After all, here she was an important lady, taking the time to offer
something nice to this enlisted man, (well below her station in life).
And he had the nerve to say THAT to HER! She exclaimed, "Well! I
never...!" The fancy lady remembered that she had met "that military
man who was over all these 'soldiers'" a little earlier. She spotted
General Gray from across the room. He had a cigar clenched between his
teeth, a camouflaged canteen cup full of liquor in his left hand. He
was talking to a group of 1st and 2nd lieutenants.

The blue haired lady went straight over to the commandant and
interrupted, "General, I offered some pastry to that young man over
there. And, do you know what he told me?" General Gray cocked his
eyebrow, took the cigar out of his mouth and said, "Well, no Ma'am. I
don't."

The lady took in a deep breath, confident that she was expressing with
her body language her rage and indignation. She wagged her head in
cadence with her words, pausing between each word for effect, "He -
said, I - don't - eat - that - **** - Ma'am!"

The lieutenants standing there were in a state of flux. A couple of
them choked back chuckles, & turned their heads to avoid having their
smirks detected. The next thought most of them had, "God, I hope it
wasn't one of MY Marines!", & the color left their faces. General Gray
wrinkled his brow, cut his eyes in the direction of the lieutenants,
put his free hand to his chin & said, "Hummm." "Which one did you say
it was Ma'am?", the General asked. "That tall sturdy one right over
there near the window, General.", the woman said with smug
satisfaction. One of the lieutenants began to look sick and put a hand
on the wall for support. General Gray, seemed deep in thought, hand
still to his chin, wrinkled brow. Suddenly, he looked up his
expression changed to one indicating he had made a decision. He looked
the fancy lady right in the eyes and said, "Well, **** 'im! Don't give
him any."