"Sarah Hotdesking" wrote in
message ...
I received this today:-

There are still people in this company who think we weigh aircraft to find
out how much they weigh, not to calculate stresses. Of course we need to
know how much the thing weighs. How are we ever going to know how many
Thrust Pixies we need to get the thing off the ground if we don't know the
weight? Or should that be "Lift Demons"? Pixies have largely fallen into
disrepute - something about Bernoulli not being representative in
unbounded
conditions and cause and effect being transposed in the Newtonian model.

Yes, Bernoilli's fairy tale is going the way of the law of the wall.

In fact the use of Lift Demons on civil aircraft programmes is generally
not
that good an idea. The Demon binding contract tends to specify payment in
blood or souls. This is readily achievable with aircraft of military
function, but frowned upon in civilian circles as they may attempt to
acquire payment outside of the terms of their binding contract. Lift
Demons
are not used on Elf bombers. We don't talk about Lift Pixies too often as
it
seems to upset the self-loading cargo.

Modern designers use lift fairies and avoid the whole contraversy.

Pixies require payment in cakes, flowers or nice thoughts. These are
readily
sourced either from the in-flight catering, or provided cost-free by the
passengers. Clearly this would not work well within an operational
military
environment. Air force cooking is not renowned for the "light and fluffy
texture" that Thrust Pixies demand, the availability of flowers might be
problematic in desert operations, and nice thoughts may also be hard to
find
during times of active operations.

Lift fairies however come in a less benevolent caste.

There is also a scalability issue. While one rampant Lift Demon would have
few problems supporting a fighter aircraft (particularly if there is an
immediate prospect of blood), it'll struggle to achieve level controlled
flight of a 560tonne Airbus A380. Use of more than one Lift Demon on the
same flight vehicle is contra-indicated (they squabble and eat each
other).
Communities of Thrust Pixies can be encouraged to work together on the
same
aircraft by the provision of advanced technologies such as Lemon fondant
icing, variegated tulips or in-flight romantic comedies.

The problem today is how to get 707 lift fairies at a resonable price. Many
of these older aircraft specific fairies have become rare, if not
unavailable.

Ryanair once requested Leprachauns be installed in place of Lift Pixies,
but
leprechauns have a mission statement which indicates their desire for
monetary gain, and their willingness to search all over the world for it.

Leprachauns can't fly, so Ryanair got scammed.

This makes Lift Leprechauns expensive to keep (gold vs lemon fondant
icing),
and makes it difficult to establish a regular route network as the Lift
Leprechauns don't like to continuously visit the same locations. By law,
aircraft also have to have a full complement of In-Flight Gremlins, but
these are generally not a problem unless you feed the Wingtip Vortex
Faeries
after midnight.

The Leprechauns are scamming you.