TWA & the Turtle

[This came originally from "Skyliner", the TWA staff magazine. It was
reprinted in the Guardian, thence in "Funny Amusing & Funny Amazing" by
Denys Parsons (1969), and now it's here.]

The pilot of a private aircraft called the control tower at Kansas
City's municipal airport and said: "You might inform the TWA plane which
is about to take off from the north end that the object near my position
that looks like a rock is really a turtle on the runway."

Boeing 707 captain to control tower: Tower, we heard that transmission.
Understand. One turtle crossing runway.

Control tower: Based on available pilot's report, turtle's course is
oriented South-east, heading towards Gate 5.

707 captain: Kansas City tower, can you give us info on the turtle's
speed and estimated time of runway clearance?

Control tower: Computer calculation indicates turtle speed around 200
feet an hour - maybe less in this quartering headwind. If threatened
course and speed are maintained, runway should be clear in 8 minutes.

707 captain: Unable to wait due to fuel depletion. Will employ evasive
action on takeoff roll.

Control tower: Roger, TWA. Cleared for takeoff. Be on alert for wake
turbulence behind departing turtle.