Run In With Mr. Edwards

After living in Iowa for the last 7 years, it seemed that we were the only
ones left who had NOT been to the "Great Iowa State Fair." This year is
the 150th anniversary of this grand old tradition, so last weekend we
decided to check it out.

After the brief, 0.7 hour flight to Des Moines, Mary taxied up to Des Moines
Flying Service (A.K.A.: "Signature") to park. As we trundled toward the
ramp we noticed an inordinate number of vehicles parked on the airport side
of the fence. As the prop stopped, I noticed that they were all law
enforcement vehicles, of every type and kind, from marked squads to black
Suburbans.

Jokingly I commented on the criminal nature of that last landing (which
netted me a swat to the head :-), but wondered aloud just what the heck
could justify the expense of 30 - 40 vehicles and crew...

....and then we remembered the season, and where we were. It HAD to be a
presidential election-related visit of some sort -- but who?

Mary had quite specifically grilled Flight Service about TFRs, and had been
told there were none. DSM approach mentioned nothing, either, so we were
fairly certain that it couldn't be the President. The fact that the cops
were eying us warily, but otherwise ignoring us, seemed to reinforce this
notion.

This left the Kerry/Edwards campaign as the primary suspects, and we were
not to be disappointed.

As soon as we were inside the FBO, the Kerry/Edwards "Real Deal" Boeing 727
plane rolled in. John Edwards was making an appearance in Des Moines, and
we were lucky to get in when we did -- cuz the ramp was slammed shut, tight
as a drum, as soon as he arrived.

Walking to our rental car with my kids, I pushed up closer to the fence to
take a picture. Immediately a uniformed DSM police officer asked if he
could "help me" -- and ordered me to stay behind a painted line in the
parking lot (that he had chosen entirely at random, at that instant) in no
uncertain terms. So, I took my pictures and left, marveling at the
stupidity of it all.

After spending a marvelous day at the fair we returned to the airport -- and
were dumb-founded to see all those police officers rolling up to the ramp
once again! With incredibly bad timing, we had arrived precisely at the
same moment as the advance security detail, meaning that Edwards couldn't be
far behind.

Now hurriedly paying for gas and the car, hoping against hope to get off the
ground before the V.P.-wannabee returned to his plane, we grabbed our stuff
and made a bee-line toward the plane -- only to have a secret service agent
step between me and the door, asking that I please wait for Mr. Edwards to
depart.

Now you must realize that my plane was MAYBE 40 feet from the door he was
blocking, while Mr. Liability-Attorney's 727 was several hundred yards
farther out. I pointed this fact out to him, and also pointed to my
children, stating that all we wanted to do was get off the ground before
dark, since neither of us were legal to fly at night.

This carried no weight with him, and he quietly told me that we'd just have
to wait.

So, I resignedly told my family to find comfy chairs, and that it would be
while. For the next ten minutes or so, we observed at least 50 officers and
agents, all on the tax-dole, making sure that the ramp area was "sterile"
for Mr. Perfect-Hair. Some were just standing around staring into space,
while others were actively scanning the fence line and building tops.

Aggravatingly, two characters -- obviously pilots -- kept freely going in
and out of the same door that the jar-head secret agent had blocked. This
continued for 15 minutes, until I could no longer stand it. I approached
the door guard and asked him what THEY had that we did NOT have -- to which
he replied succinctly: "Clearance." Apparently they worked for Signature,
and had been pre-screened to be on the ramp.

By now thoroughly aggravated, I raised my hands over my head and said "Well,
screen me. Escort me. Tow me. Do whatever you've got to do to make sure
I'm not a threat -- but we've got to get off the ground soon, or we'll be
stuck here overnight!"

Unsmilingly, he simply said "You're not going anywhere until that plane
departs." -- and that was that.

Finally Mr. Ketchup's side-kick taxied out to the active runway -- and held
for departure. We all immediately grabbed our stuff and started heading
for the door -- which our favorite S.S. officer was STILL blocking!
Dumbfounded, I asked what the problem was -- and he said that Edwards had to
be OFF THE GROUND before he could clear us onto the ramp!

Now thoroughly ****ed, I just stared at the guy incredulously. He got the
message, and promised that he would try to "get us clearance onto the
ramp" -- and started talking into his lapel. He then walked out onto the
ramp, where he was animatedly talking with someone when Edwards' plane
finally got clearance to depart, and blasted into the evening sky.

Within minutes, the Signature ramp was empty, with no vestige of the
incredible security presence that had been there only moments before. They
all headed to the donut shoppe, and we were able to depart normally, as if
nothing at all had just happened.

Harry Truman once famously said that the "position of vice-president ain't
worth a bucket of warm spit." Worse, Edwards isn't even THERE yet -- he's
just a wannabee! He is nothing, absolutely NOTHING -- yet we are treating
him like royalty, and my family was treated like criminals when we were
anywhere near him. If this is what we have to look forward to under a
Kerry/Edwards presidency, I fear the worst is yet to come.

As we climbed out I laughingly told my kids that this was "your tax-dollars
at work." I then closed my eyes and wished fervently that 9/11 had never
happened...

(BTW: If you've never seen the Iowa State Fair, it's worth the trip. It's
the biggest fair in America, apparently, and it is so chock-full of
traditional Americana that I felt like a kid again. And my kids were
absolutely in awe of the place, with the rides, live entertainment, food,
and animals. Ever seen a 3000 pound bull? Me neither -- but they have one.
It's as big as a car!)
--
Jay Honeck
Iowa City, IA
Pathfinder N56993
www.AlexisParkInn.com
"Your Aviation Destination"