Round Engines

Found this and thought it might be of interest to all here )

Big John
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DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO FLEW BEHIND ROUND
AIRCRAFT ENGINES


We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining
aviation and our hearing...

A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery.
The air travels through it in a straight line and
doesn't pick up any of the pungent fragrance of
engine oil or pilot sweat.

Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a
switch from "OFF" to "START" and then remember to
move it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is harder
to start.

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and
style. You have to seduce it into starting. It's
like waking up a horny mistress. On some planes, the
pilots aren't even allowed to do it...

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a
lady-like poof and start whining a little louder.

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle,
click-click, BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big
macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more smoke and
finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that.
It's a GUY thing...

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged
and you can concentrate on the flight ahead.
Starting a turbine is like flicking of a ceiling
fan: Useful, but, hardly exciting.

When you have started his round engine successfully
your Crew Chief looks up at you like he'd let you
kiss his girl, too!

Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough,
which leads to aircrew boredom, complacency and
inattention. A round engine at speed looks and
sounds like it's going to blow any minute. This
helps concentrate the mind !

Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges
to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to
fiddle with during long flights.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman
Lamps. Round engines smell like God intended
machines to smell.

Pass this on to an old WWII guy (or his son, or
anyone who flew them, ever) in remembrance of that
"Greatest Generation".