Getting rid of turbines. (grin)

We gotta get rid of turbines, they are ruining aviation. We need to go back to
big round engines. Anybody can start a turbine, you just need to move a switch
from "OFF" to "START," and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while.
My PC is harder to start. Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and
style. On some planes, the pilots are not even allowed to do it.

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a small lady-like poot and
start whining louder.

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click BANG, more rattles,
another BANG, a big macho f..t or two, more clicks, a lot of smoke and finally
a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a guy thing. When you start a
round engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead.


Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but hardly
exciting. Turbines don't break often enough, leading to aircrew boredom,
complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's
going to blow at any minute. This helps concentrate the mind. Turbines don't
have enough control levers to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to
fiddle with during the flight.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman lanterns. Round engines
smell like God intended flying machines to smell.

I think I hear the nurse coming down the hall. I gotta go.
Arthur Kramer
344th BG 494th BS
England, France, Belgium, Holland, Germany
Visit my WW II B-26 website at:
http://www.coastcomp.com/artkramer