Speaking of D.B. Cooper...

"Gatt" wrote in
:


"Dudley Henriques" wrote in message
...

Man, you haven't pee'd till you've pee'd into one of those funny
looking red plastic pee containers at 30 thousand in an unpressurized
cockpit on the way to a show site.

I wondered how the fighter pilots managed that sort of thing.

The author of "Wing Ding"--a rascal of a gentleman who was a B-17
tailgunner--told me the first time he saw a FW-190 he was suffering
from severe gas cramps and trying to take a dump in his flak
helmet--armor, mae west, flying suit, bunny suit, uniform, long johns,
all down-- and trying not to touch bare skin to metal.


Did that once in the tail of a DC-3. It was very very cold outside and I
went to the tail to pee, kneeling, in the bucket-with-a-hole-in-the-bottom
in turbulence and managed to touch it. ouch.



Bertie

Gatt wrote:
Apparently it had an amazing laxative effect.


Alright... a true story. It happened to the guy who taught me how to fly along
with a good friend of mine back in the day when he and I were both building
hours towards a charter job at our FBO.

There was a junk yard across from the airport that had an owner who drank too
much and required periodic trips to a hospital to be dried out. He was
successful financially so his family didn't mind spending money on his care.

One afternoon, my old instructor Terry was asked by his boss to fly down to New
Orleans in one of the Twin Commanches, pick up the drunk and then fly him back
to a private facility in Statesboro, GA. He asked John to go along for the ride
and to help control the sot once they'd found him.

The flight from South Carolina to New Orleans was uneventful. They even found
their target when they got down there so they loaded him into the back of the
twin. He was drunk but happily compliant. Terry figured the best thing to do
was to go high and let the thin air put the drunk to sleep, so he climbed up to
10,000 in the night sky. The drunk either passed out or went to sleep. So far
so good.

But not for long. At some point he woke up and told Terry he needed to "land
this thing". "Why?", asked Terry. "I've got to go to the bathroom", said the
drunk. Well, they weren't inclined to land just for that so John gave him a
coke bottle to use. Silence from the back.

All of the sudden, there came the most horrendous odor from the back of the
plane. The drunk was trying to **** into the coke bottle! I have to tell you
his best efforts weren't good enough. I suspect if there had been an ejection
seat, it would have been used that night.

Consternation in the cockpit: they handed him a chart to wipe himself and made
a beeline for Statesboro. When they got there, the drunk steadied himself on
the side of the airplane leaving as brown streak smeared down the side. John
and Terry delivered him to the hospital posthaste.

They then flew the newly decorated twin back to our FBO, where they arrived
about 15 minutes before the boss did. They parked the aircraft immediately in
front of the FBO and beat a hasty retreat to their homes, where the phones were
taken off the hooks.

True story. I didn't even change the names as there were no innocents. G



--
Mortimer Schnerd, RN
mschnerdatcarolina.rr.com

Mortimer Schnerd, RN wrote:
of the plane. The drunk was trying to **** into the coke bottle!

OMG - there is drunk, and there is DRUNK!!! I don't know how anyone could
stay concious and be that dumb!!

"Dudley Henriques" wrote

Finally after everybody has been totally convinced that the cat CAN
actually open the food this way, you give in and tell them it was a gag.
Then RUN!! :-)
You can only do this once with the same gang, but it's great fun.

LOL ! ! !

That is one of the best gags I have heard in some time! I really did laugh
out loud!

You're my kinda' people. I only wish I had come up with that one!
--
Jim in NC

Morgans wrote:
"Dudley Henriques" wrote

Finally after everybody has been totally convinced that the cat CAN
actually open the food this way, you give in and tell them it was a gag.
Then RUN!! :-)
You can only do this once with the same gang, but it's great fun.

LOL ! ! !

That is one of the best gags I have heard in some time! I really did laugh
out loud!

You're my kinda' people. I only wish I had come up with that one!

Be careful. This is what happens when you get too old to fly!
:-)

--
Dudley Henriques

"Dudley Henriques" wrote

Be careful. This is what happens when you get too old to fly!
:-)

Not there yet!

Hopefully that day will come one day *after* they put me in the ground.
--
Jim in NC

"Mortimer Schnerd, RN" mschnerdatcarolina.rr.com wrote in
:

Gatt wrote:
Apparently it had an amazing laxative effect.


Alright... a true story. It happened to the guy who taught me how to
fly along with a good friend of mine back in the day when he and I
were both building hours towards a charter job at our FBO.

There was a junk yard across from the airport that had an owner who
drank too much and required periodic trips to a hospital to be dried
out. He was successful financially so his family didn't mind spending
money on his care.

One afternoon, my old instructor Terry was asked by his boss to fly
down to New Orleans in one of the Twin Commanches, pick up the drunk
and then fly him back to a private facility in Statesboro, GA. He
asked John to go along for the ride and to help control the sot once
they'd found him.

The flight from South Carolina to New Orleans was uneventful. They
even found their target when they got down there so they loaded him
into the back of the twin. He was drunk but happily compliant. Terry
figured the best thing to do was to go high and let the thin air put
the drunk to sleep, so he climbed up to 10,000 in the night sky. The
drunk either passed out or went to sleep. So far so good.

But not for long. At some point he woke up and told Terry he needed
to "land this thing". "Why?", asked Terry. "I've got to go to the
bathroom", said the drunk. Well, they weren't inclined to land just
for that so John gave him a coke bottle to use. Silence from the
back.

All of the sudden, there came the most horrendous odor from the back
of the plane. The drunk was trying to **** into the coke bottle! I
have to tell you his best efforts weren't good enough. I suspect if
there had been an ejection seat, it would have been used that night.

Consternation in the cockpit: they handed him a chart to wipe himself
and made a beeline for Statesboro. When they got there, the drunk
steadied himself on the side of the airplane leaving as brown streak
smeared down the side. John and Terry delivered him to the hospital
posthaste.

They then flew the newly decorated twin back to our FBO, where they
arrived about 15 minutes before the boss did. They parked the
aircraft immediately in front of the FBO and beat a hasty retreat to
their homes, where the phones were taken off the hooks.

True story. I didn't even change the names as there were no
innocents. G




Yech!

Excellent story, though.


Bertie

By coincidence they had a story on the local news about ol' DB last night.

Apparently, one of the parachutes the FBI gave him was a dummy. DOH!

-c

"Bertie the Bunyip" wrote in message
.. .

They then flew the newly decorated twin back to our FBO, where they
arrived about 15 minutes before the boss did. They parked the
aircraft immediately in front of the FBO and beat a hasty retreat to
their homes, where the phones were taken off the hooks.

True story. I didn't even change the names as there were no
innocents. G

Excellent story, though.

My wife studied German in high school and her instructor, whom she still
refers to as "Herr Boost", was a Luftwaffe Ju-52 pilot. During the war he
hated the Nazis because he said before the war you voted for Hitler or you
voted for somebody else and signed your name on the ballot. His father and
older brother voted for somebody other than Hitler, and disappeared.

Herr Boost became a pilot so he wouldn't have to join the army, and flew
poorly so they wouldn't make him a fighter pilot. He ended up shuttling
around Gestapo, and at one point an SS officer whom he particularly detested
insisted to the crew that he had to urinate. They told them there was no
appropriate facility onboard, and the officer apparently replied and that
they had better land the airplane "or else." Boost was convinced he
wouldn't survive the war, and passed the message back for the pilot to
urinate out the door of the aircraft.

The slipstream apparently sprayed it all right back over his body such that
he had urine all over his perfect SS uniform. Sharon says he loved telling
that story. (She speaks very little German. Says he liked to show them Das
Boot, serve Rheinlander fondue and impart old German wisdom such as "Marry a
woman for money. Beauty is worthless" and "In Germany, the biggest vehicle
has the right of way.")

I hope I didn't just Godwin the discussion. It's ...fascinating. :

-c

Big John wrote in
:

12. He then thought about landing with the full cup and having to
explain it so being in the upper half academically he crack the canopy
about 6 inches and carefully picked the cup up and with a fast motion
pushed the cup out into the slip stream on left side of aircraft. Zip
and the slip stream jerked the cup out of his hand and it disappeared.

13. Closed canopy and continued on with a smile on his face.


I gotta say. I read this and all I could think of was a story of my own. (I
realize I haven't earned the right to tell stories in the same thread as you
pros, but I thought you might enjoy this one...)


Flying along in a Bonanza, 2 hours into a 3.25 hr trip. Unlike you fancy
types, us Bo guys only get to pee into coffee cups or portable gel bags.
Turns out all I had that day was a mostly empty bottle of Diet Pepsi (which
probably contributed to the problem in the first place).

Well, clearly there was more to the problem than the soda I had been sipping
on for a couple of hours, because I had to make a serious effort to stop
myself before overflowing the bottle. (On a side note, I'm no John Holmes,
but Pepsi bottlenecks are much narrower than they look!)

Anyway, I return the bottle to full, and as Bertie already pointed out,
bladder inertia was working very hard to ensure that I was not satisfied even
though I had just put 15 or so of the 20 ozs back in the bottle.

"No problem," I think outloud. The Bonanza has a window.

I slow the plane down quite a bit (placarded for 145kts) and pop the window
open. Carefully, I lift the bottle out the window (I don't want to drop it
for more than a handful of reasons)... Slowly I turn the bottle over to begin
to empty the bottle.

The resulting splash in the face was just enough to jog my memory of the
chapter about venturi effects that I read years back when getting my
private...

Eventually I was able to stretch my arm far enough out and back so that most
of the bottle was being emptied outside the cockpit.

Having learned my lesson, I sealed the refill up to discard on the ground.
One of the line men at the FBO thought it was interesting that my Pepsi
bottle looked like more like a Mountain Dew.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I am glad that the Cadet in the
aforementioned story was able to walk away with a big smile, instead of a big
turd, on his face...

Thanks for sharing!