Farting Passenger Forces Plane to Divert Route (Text only)

Dave Kearton wrote:
CWO4 Dave Mann wrote:

Personally, I think the whole situation stinks.

Cheers,

Dave



Certainly is a nasty report.





I was thinking the same thing; and possibly a sticky wicket for the poor
woman.

CWO4 Dave Mann wrote:
Dave Kearton wrote:
CWO4 Dave Mann wrote:

Personally, I think the whole situation stinks.

Cheers,

Dave



Certainly is a nasty report.





I was thinking the same thing; and possibly a sticky wicket for the
poor woman.



Oh, an 'own goal' - perhaps that's why she wasn't allowed back on.



--

Cheers

Dave Kearton

On this day of this month, in a year likely to be unrecorded in human
history, Dave Kearton wrote:

Certainly is a nasty report.

Yep.

Ka-bloooooOOOOOOMMMM !!!!



--
"Jeeps can get up, and jeeps can also go down. Why can't Bill?"

-- Nancy Hughes III

Here is a report which I filed last year which casts some light upon the
nether regions and flatulence.

‎I thought I would give you a complete Colonoscopy Report. I had a regular
‎physical appointment some months back and the Doctor noted I have never had
‎a Colonoscopy. He said at age 61 I ought to have one. Especially
since I have
‎ a documented extensive exposure to Agent Orange over in "veet-nam"

‎I went on a liquid clear diet 48 hours in advance. I called and found out
‎that "carbonated beverages" and Popsicles are OK. Beer is a carbonated
‎beverage, need I say more?

‎I received the instructions and a large gallon jug by mail. The jug was a
‎powder used as a clean-out solution. I started two days ahead of the
‎appointment. The clean-out solution doesn't actually taste like anything
‎-- it is mixed it with water in the jug and then refrigerated. I drank a
‎glass of it every 10 minutes, took a couple slugs of Budweiser and then
‎went to sit on the throne.

‎By the evening prior to the 0930 appointment I was completely cleaned out
‎and nothing but a clear liquid was passed.

‎I arrived at the Nashville VAMC (Veterans Affairs Medical Center) at 0830
‎accompanied by my aide'd'camp, the driver, and the usual security
‎operatives who cleared the parking garage of any alien life forms who may
‎have been lurking to take me back for retraining.

‎The GI clinic waiting area was relatively quiet for the VA, with only three
‎TV sets turned on; one with the Springer Show featuring strange people
‎shouting and hitting, one with some reality show of wheelchair-confined
‎lesbians playing freeway chicken with gay truckers, and the last channel
‎set to the local country music channel where men wearing large hats crooned
‎about lost loves and various injustices suffered at the hands of gals
with big
‎hair-doos. Unlike the VA emergency room, there were no screams of the
injured,
‎no gargling guttural death rattles, no speaking in tongues by
unmedicated bi-polars
‎and skitzos, no leaking colostomy bags with gurney pushers slipping,
sliding and
‎cursing as they glissando through the noisome messes.

‎As a "service connected - combat rated disabled veteran" I get almost free
‎medical care, so I am not complaining.

‎ The appointment was for 0930 and at 0933 a nurse came forth and called
in a stentorian voice:
‎"Mister Mann" -- yikes! my name. She had my aide'd'camp sign and
attest that he would
‎ be attending and remain in the exam waiting area. She then took me to
the exam room.

‎The examining doctor was a Vanderbilt University Medical School
‎professor, who was accompanied by a couple of students from the medical
‎school. The other MD was the chief of the GI department at the VAMC.
‎Pretty high class help for an old broke-down soldier like moi oci.

‎The doctor and nurse came in and bid me to disrobe and put on the usual
‎gown. After I laid on the table the doctor explained who he was, the
‎procedure and that there might be an amnesic effect from the sedative.

‎The nurse placed a large needle into my right armpit, first saying
"this may
‎sting a bit" (it did), and an oxygen cannula mechanism in my nostrils. She
‎explained that anytime a sedative is administered, oxygen is also given.

‎The doctor complimented me on the fact that I had a person very close to me
‎presumably at home write my name and social security number using a
magic marker on my
‎buttocks and a note "Please Be Gentle With Me". They all had a good laugh
‎and said, "well that isn't the first time we've seen that, but it's usually
‎a tattoo". I exclaimed, "... at least you won't find an gerbils up
there".
‎That caused a great conversation amongst the Medical Students about the
‎South Park episode where bowel traveling gerbils were featured.
‎By that time the ever-suffering nurse said, "Now Mister
‎Mann, here comes the sedative" ... I went out like a light -- praying that
‎I wouldn't die on the operating table with eight feet of fiber optics up
‎the old Hershey Highway.

‎The procedure took about 20 minutes according to my staff members remaining
‎in the waiting room. I don't remember putting my clothes back on or the
‎unplanned and unfortunate incident with the large window overlooking the
‎Vanderbilt University Quadrangle's lunch area filled with astonished
students,
‎nor anything actually, until getting into the car and emitting some
explosive
‎and expansive salutations.

‎Somewhat similar in effect to a gigantic "whoopee" cushion designed by the
‎special effects crew of the old "B" movie "Land of the Giants".

‎Recovery has taken about 24 hours. I had a lot of cramping and medium pain
‎due to the fact that they took several biopsies. Flatulence continued for
‎about 12 hours, mostly very noisy but interestingly, without the usual
‎horrific stench which I usually emit.

‎Note for conspiracy theorists: No evidence of any Space Alien Probes
were discovered.

‎If you are over 50 please have your colon examined and don't worry
about the
‎side effects.

‎Cheers,

‎Dave

CWO4 Dave Mann wrote:
Here is a report which I filed last year which casts some light upon
the nether regions and flatulence.

?The doctor complimented me on the fact that I had a person very
close to me ?presumably at home write my name and social security
number using a magic marker on my
?buttocks and a note "Please Be Gentle With Me". They all had a good
laugh ?and said, "well that isn't the first time we've seen that, but
it's usually ?a tattoo". I exclaimed, "... at least you won't find
an gerbils up there".



At least that's what you were hoping they wrote ...





?If you are over 50 please have your colon examined and don't worry
about the
?side effects.

?Cheers,

?Dave



Coming up to that milestone soon. At least it sounds a little more
bearable than the Sigmoidoscope (aka the silver stallion) my father had to
endure.






--

Cheers

Dave Kearton

On this day of this month, in a year likely to be unrecorded in human
history, CWO4 Dave Mann wrote:


If you are over 50 please have your colon examined and don't worry
about the
side effects.

Cheers,

Dave

Beautifully written, Dave, and I'm a professional!

Very, very funny, but yes, folks, do have an exam at least yearly. My best
friend's father did, had cancer, had surgery and chemo and is doing just
fine now, a survivor. In a matter of a few weeks only.

OK, it usually makes guys .. uh .. antsy? .. similar to the Bobbit
Skrunchover .. but just DO IT !!

Sorry they found no probes, BTW -- you could have made a /killing/ on eBay......


SW


--
"Jeeps can get up, and jeeps can also go down. Why can't Bill?"

-- Nancy Hughes III

On Thu, 07 Dec 2006 03:34:56 GMT, §qu@r3 Wh33£s
wrote:

On this day of this month, in a year likely to be unrecorded in human
history, CWO4 Dave Mann wrote:


If you are over 50 please have your colon examined and don't worry
about the
side effects.

Cheers,

Dave

Beautifully written, Dave, and I'm a professional!

Very, very funny, but yes, folks, do have an exam at least yearly. My best
friend's father did, had cancer, had surgery and chemo and is doing just
fine now, a survivor. In a matter of a few weeks only.

OK, it usually makes guys .. uh .. antsy? .. similar to the Bobbit
Skrunchover .. but just DO IT !!

Sorry they found no probes, BTW -- you could have made a /killing/ on eBay......


SW


Well, I haven't posted much in this group, but I was just passing
(gas) through and had to comment.

Colonoscopy is recommended every TEN years after 50. It has to do
with how slowly cancers in that area grow. Most insurance companies
aren't going to pay more often than that. As for the procedure, only
the dance with the laxatives the night before is unpleasant. You will
feel absolutely nothing during the procedure (and I felt nothing
after--no gas or anything). When the surgeon said you're clean (I
heard him through that trippy sedated fog) you feel great! No Big C
fer me, thanks!

Sigmoidoscopy is hardly worth it given the much greater coverage of a
colonoscopy. I had exactly one. The device itself is not
painful--you're so greased up they could slide an Airbus 380 in. It's
the damn air they use to keep the colon inflated so that all nooks and
crannies are visible (I watched mine on the monitor). Cramps
almighty--you feel like you could leap tall buildings with the
pressure that builds up. And farting after! You'd think it would all
come out in one long blast, but noooo! You fart and fart for a day
(not smelly since you're cleaned out anyway).

So get your colonoscopies, you big babies over 50! Colon cancer is
one nasty way to die.

Now, a serious question. Airliners are pressurized to about 5000',
right? I wonder if that encourages or discourages farting (the
former, I would think). I know that I have delighted other passengers
on occasion, and wondered where the urge came from. I just hope to be
positioned to spray that annoying little brat seated near me. And his
mother who won't shut him up.

On this day of this month, in a year likely to be unrecorded in human
history, Whistlin' Dixie wrote:

Most insurance companies
aren't going to pay more often than that.

Hadn't even thought about that aspect. I'm a Canuck, and if your Doc
recommends it, it's covered by our Universal Health Care scheme, quite
nice.

But(t) still, folks, get off your ass so you can keep it !!!




--
"Jeeps can get up, and jeeps can also go down. Why can't Bill?"

-- Nancy Hughes III

§qu@r3 Wh33£s wrote:
On this day of this month, in a year likely to be unrecorded in human
history, Whistlin' Dixie wrote:

Most insurance companies
aren't going to pay more often than that.

Hadn't even thought about that aspect. I'm a Canuck, and if your Doc
recommends it, it's covered by our Universal Health Care scheme, quite
nice.

But(t) still, folks, get off your ass so you can keep it !!!



I left mine to science, but they rejected it.



Somebody is in for a nasty Christmas present once I go.



--

Cheers

Dave Kearton

CWO4 Dave Mann wrote:

Here is a report which I filed last year which casts some light upon the
nether regions and flatulence.

‎I thought I would give you a complete Colonoscopy Report. I had a regular
‎physical appointment some months back and the Doctor noted I have never
had
‎a Colonoscopy. He said at age 61 I ought to have one. Especially
since I have
‎ a documented extensive exposure to Agent Orange over in "veet-nam"

‎I went on a liquid clear diet 48 hours in advance. I called and found out
‎that "carbonated beverages" and Popsicles are OK. Beer is a carbonated
‎beverage, need I say more?

‎I received the instructions and a large gallon jug by mail. The jug was a
‎powder used as a clean-out solution. I started two days ahead of the
‎appointment. The clean-out solution doesn't actually taste like anything
‎-- it is mixed it with water in the jug and then refrigerated. I drank a
‎glass of it every 10 minutes, took a couple slugs of Budweiser and then
‎went to sit on the throne.

‎By the evening prior to the 0930 appointment I was completely cleaned out
‎and nothing but a clear liquid was passed.

‎I arrived at the Nashville VAMC (Veterans Affairs Medical Center) at 0830
‎accompanied by my aide'd'camp, the driver, and the usual security
‎operatives who cleared the parking garage of any alien life forms who may
‎have been lurking to take me back for retraining.

‎The GI clinic waiting area was relatively quiet for the VA, with only
three
‎TV sets turned on; one with the Springer Show featuring strange people
‎shouting and hitting, one with some reality show of wheelchair-confined
‎lesbians playing freeway chicken with gay truckers, and the last channel
‎set to the local country music channel where men wearing large hats
crooned
‎about lost loves and various injustices suffered at the hands of gals
with big
‎hair-doos. Unlike the VA emergency room, there were no screams of the
injured,
‎no gargling guttural death rattles, no speaking in tongues by
unmedicated bi-polars
‎and skitzos, no leaking colostomy bags with gurney pushers slipping,
sliding and
‎cursing as they glissando through the noisome messes.

‎As a "service connected - combat rated disabled veteran" I get almost free
‎medical care, so I am not complaining.

‎ The appointment was for 0930 and at 0933 a nurse came forth and called
in a stentorian voice:
‎"Mister Mann" -- yikes! my name. She had my aide'd'camp sign and
attest that he would
‎ be attending and remain in the exam waiting area. She then took me to
the exam room.

‎The examining doctor was a Vanderbilt University Medical School
‎professor, who was accompanied by a couple of students from the medical
‎school. The other MD was the chief of the GI department at the VAMC.
‎Pretty high class help for an old broke-down soldier like moi oci.

‎The doctor and nurse came in and bid me to disrobe and put on the usual
‎gown. After I laid on the table the doctor explained who he was, the
‎procedure and that there might be an amnesic effect from the sedative.

‎The nurse placed a large needle into my right armpit, first saying
"this may
‎sting a bit" (it did), and an oxygen cannula mechanism in my nostrils.
She
‎explained that anytime a sedative is administered, oxygen is also given.

‎The doctor complimented me on the fact that I had a person very close
to me
‎presumably at home write my name and social security number using a
magic marker on my
‎buttocks and a note "Please Be Gentle With Me". They all had a good laugh
‎and said, "well that isn't the first time we've seen that, but it's
usually
‎a tattoo". I exclaimed, "... at least you won't find an gerbils up
there".
‎That caused a great conversation amongst the Medical Students about the
‎South Park episode where bowel traveling gerbils were featured.
‎By that time the ever-suffering nurse said, "Now Mister
‎Mann, here comes the sedative" ... I went out like a light -- praying that
‎I wouldn't die on the operating table with eight feet of fiber optics up
‎the old Hershey Highway.

‎The procedure took about 20 minutes according to my staff members
remaining
‎in the waiting room. I don't remember putting my clothes back on or the
‎unplanned and unfortunate incident with the large window overlooking the
‎Vanderbilt University Quadrangle's lunch area filled with astonished
students,
‎nor anything actually, until getting into the car and emitting some
explosive
‎and expansive salutations.

‎Somewhat similar in effect to a gigantic "whoopee" cushion designed by the
‎special effects crew of the old "B" movie "Land of the Giants".

‎Recovery has taken about 24 hours. I had a lot of cramping and medium
pain
‎due to the fact that they took several biopsies. Flatulence continued for
‎about 12 hours, mostly very noisy but interestingly, without the usual
‎horrific stench which I usually emit.

‎Note for conspiracy theorists: No evidence of any Space Alien Probes
were discovered.

‎If you are over 50 please have your colon examined and don't worry
about the
‎side effects.

‎Cheers,

‎Dave

BTDT, you missed out on the technicolor tour with the video camera.
Since mine was just a sigmoidoscopy, I was awake and got to watch the
movie live. Woo Hoo!

--
PC Paul
89 PC800
77 R100RS

Trip pics at: http://new.photos.yahoo.com/paul1cart/albums/

"To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to
society" - Theodore Roosevelt