My wife getting scared

Paul Tomblin writes:

The problem with that approach is that after the DE guy died, that worked
because Rochester aviation's dirty little secret was that he was a known
corner-cutter and risk taker. But when the other two died, I had to admit
that I've flown with one of them a couple of times and I couldn't fault
anything he did. He seemed to me careful and methodical and professional.

What was the actual cause of his accident?

Jay Honeck writes:

On the plus side, this fear has made us VERY meticulous and careful
pilots. Preflights are NEVER omitted, fuel tanks are ALWAYS filled,
gas is ALWAYS tested, maintenance is ALWAYS done. Still, we all know
that "**** happens", and we could become statistics at some point.

If you are indeed that conscientious, the risk is very small. Perhaps "****
happens," but not nearly as often as people who prefer to avoid or deny
responsibility would like to believe.

Shirl writes:

Yep. I've been teased that my preflights are like 100-hr inspections. I
do everything you listed above, and it didn't stop the oil cooler from
failing.

Was it your own aircraft?

wrote:
Now that two people she's met have died flying in a relatively short
period of time, she's getting less and less secure about my own flying.
Every time I head out to the airport, she gives me the talk. "Be careful.
Don't die. If you have the slightest doubt, come back." Etc. And so on.

I don't think she'll tell me to stop, because she knows I was a pilot
before we married. But what can I do to reassure her? The pilot
community is pretty small, and losing three people associated with our
little club is pretty scary for her.

Paul,

Sounds pretty familiar... my wife is on the same page as your wife. I
had two co-workers die in a plane crash in 2002, and my boss barely
survived it.

The sad truth is that too many people die in GA accidents, many of
them unnecessarily (bad choices, bad luck, or all of the above).

The best you can do is to be as safe a pilot as you can, demonstrate
to her that you are doing everything you can to stay safe, and resign
yourself to the fact that she probably won't fly much with you. Solo
is how you will do most of your flying unless you have other pilot
friends to go up with.

Dean


Every time somebody drills a hole in the ground the "fear factor" can
and many times goes up for the families of some GA pilots.

It's a fact of life if you choose to fly. Wives especially are subject
to this fear factor and the basic reason for it sometimes escapes their
pilot husbands.
Wives can justify traffic dangers for example, where cars pass each
other going in opposite directions at closing speeds of up to 100mph a
scant 3 feet apart and at the same time worry themselves sick over a
husband getting killed in the airplane he flies for pleasure.
One of the reasons for this is that wives have a tendency to accept what
MUST be done as normal to everyday life, but flying on the other hand is
an optional endeavor and therefore a choice that not only adds to the
danger factor of life, but could have been avoided by the husband.
Make no mistake about it; at least part of what wives fear isn't fear at
all but rather a suppressed feeling that the dangers involved in flying
can be easily avoided if the husband didn't fly. Add children to this
equation and wives can begin to show a real concern for "any" risk they
deem to be an unnecessary risk taken by their husbands.
You can beat the psychology of all this to death, but the bottom line
for people who are individually involved in flying and have families, is
that for some of these individuals, this is an issue that might very
well come up and have to be dealt with.
How each pilot deals with this has to be based on individual situations
and no pat answer is available.
The bottom line is that if you choose to fly and have a family, the
chances are (with rare exceptions) that this decision to fly has been
made by YOU as an individual. To a wife, this can very well mean that
although she has gone along with you on this decision, that she has
suppressed fears and negative thoughts about the risks to HER FAMILY
that you making your decision to fly might not have considered as
seriously as you might have considered the issue.
As I have said previously, there's no set way to handle this situation
that fits everybody. If you make a decision to fly and you have a
family, it's up to YOU to consider the peripheral aspects of this
decision and how it might effect your family.
What works for one pilot won't work with another.
What worked for me was to seriously bring my wife into my world. I
listened to her fears and took them seriously and made damn sure she
KNEW I was taking them seriously. The end result in our case was that my
wife accepted the fact that I was working in a higher than normal risk
area and that I was not only aware of that but capable of dealing with
it on a constant basis. When she realized that the odds were in her
favor on my personal survival in this business, she relaxed and became
an active part of my flying rather than a bystander.
I should add here as well that there are indeed some wives out there who
will never lose their fear when it comes to flying. This is the exact
reason that I have encouraged EVERY student I have ever taught to fly
who had a family to sit down early and involve the family in the decision.
Informed wives are better prepared to handle aviation than uninformed wives.


--
Dudley Henriques

Shirl:
Question: how often do you practice simulated engine failures over
places you aren't used to flying patterns?

Jay:
Sadly, I have to admit that our fear of harming our engine has far
outweighed our fear of an engine-out landing. There is simply nothing
you can do to your engine (in normal use) that is worse than simulated
engine-out landings, so we do them very rarely.

I just had a major engine overhaul done (Lycoming O-320) by a reputable
place. We're still in the break-in phase (15 hours to first oil change,
25 hours with no unusual airwork or touch-n-goes). I'm going to call and
ask the engine shop what their thoughts are about simulated engine
failures harming a healthy engine.

We used to practice them regularly in rental birds...

I used to work at a flight school. It's amazing what people do in rental
birds that they wouldn't THINK of doing in their own! That said, those
airplanes are doing slow flight, stalls, engine-out practices and even
spin training (in some), and they keep faithfully building hours. Yes,
they are inspected every 100 hours and maintained reasonably well --
i.e., if it's necessary, yes; if it's optional, no -- but flight
school/rental airplanes aren't babied like privately-owned airplanes,
and in fact, they do all the things people say are "the worst thing you
can do to an engine" on a regular basis, yet most of them just keep on
ticking. Most get FLOWN a lot more often than privately-owned aircraft,
but doesn't seem that alone would make up for all the time they spend
doing "the worst possible things".

Will let you know what they say.

Shirl:
Yep. I've been teased that my preflights are like 100-hr inspections. I
do everything you listed above, and it didn't stop the oil cooler from
failing.

Mxsmanic wrote:
Was it your own aircraft?

Yes. It's a rare occurrence. When something like this happens, you then
hear accounts from the few who knew of something similar. One such
account was of a NEW oil cooler that failed in its first 3 hours. No way
to predict it. Flushing/Pressure testing at suggested intervals may help
prevent it (I've heard a huge variance in what that suggested interval
should be -- there doesn't appear to be a black-and-white regulation).

"DH" == Dudley Henriques writes:

DH The best way to handle these issues is to start immediately to
DH convince her that rather than denying any danger exists, you
DH are completely aware of the potential for danger in flying and
DH are capable of avoiding that danger by the way you approach
DH the issue of flying.

And this (saying you are are a safe pilot) is easier if you are a safe
person.

Do you speed on the highway? Zip between lanes?

Reckless with money or other areas of life that give her cause to
doubt?

My wife and I have an understanding, mostly unspoken but very real: I
don't twist her arm to go flying with me, she doesn't nag me to
stop. I don't take stupid risks, she doesn't stupidly question why I
like to fly. Maybe that's where you'll have to arrive.
--
It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh
at that man.
- Jack Handey

On Oct 1, 9:55 am, Mxsmanic wrote:
Paul Tomblin writes:
The problem with that approach is that after the DE guy died, that worked
because Rochester aviation's dirty little secret was that he was a known
corner-cutter and risk taker. But when the other two died, I had to admit
that I've flown with one of them a couple of times and I couldn't fault
anything he did. He seemed to me careful and methodical and professional.

What was the actual cause of his accident?

He crashed.

On Mon, 1 Oct 2007 02:58:02 +0000 (UTC), Paul Tomblin wrote:

Three years ago, the DE who passed me on my private and instrument tickets
died in a stupid accident.

Sorry, but you've peaked my curiosity a bit. I'm wondering how a DE, who
should in theory be very familiar with aviation safety, could died in a
stupid accident.

Can you tell us what happened?

--
Dallas

Dallas wrote:
On Mon, 1 Oct 2007 02:58:02 +0000 (UTC), Paul Tomblin wrote:

Three years ago, the DE who passed me on my private and instrument tickets
died in a stupid accident.

Sorry, but you've peaked my curiosity a bit. I'm wondering how a DE, who
should in theory be very familiar with aviation safety, could died in a
stupid accident.

Can you tell us what happened?


Happens frequently. I'm working with an accident right now that involves
a highly experienced demonstration pilot who suddenly and for no
apparent reason began a Split S at an altitude below that required for a
recovery.
Any pilot, no matter how experienced, can suffer a "brain fart" for lack
of a better term. The study on how to prevent this from happening both
to myself and to others has occupied a great of my time for the last
fifty years or so.

--
Dudley Henriques