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My Latest Adventure
I was arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland after
I had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world. I also claim responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year. I was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted me rooting around in bins. I explained that I was looking for fuel for my 'time machine power unit', a device that resembles a kitchen blender. I was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for my age nor would I reveal my country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening." This isn't the first time my time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery. Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to me. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes, the crazy fukknutzoid." I was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from my cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered. They know it is me, Mark(ie), the creative genius. -- Mark inventor/artist/pilot/guitarist/scientist/philosopher/ scratch golfer/cat wrangler and observer of the mundane. And much much more including wealthy beyond anything you can imagine. My website http://www.hosanna1.com/ www.myspace.com/gayincarolina |
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