Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington

Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown



May 13, 2005, Washington DC (AP) Terror and panic again visited Washington
Today. This morning at 8:47 AM. traffic control personnel were suddenly
aware that a 2003 Ford Fiesta, driven by an as yet unidentified driver, was
entering the Washington DC City Center, and no one knew why it was there.
Swat teams were immediately notified, and an effort was made to intercept
the errant vehicle. Two DC Ford Police Interceptors were dispatched in an
effort to identify and apprehend the driver.



In the meantime, Capital Security notified the Senate and the House of
Representatives that the building was to be evacuated immediately because
there was the potential that the Fiesta might be carrying a small nuclear
weapon. Near panic ensued as Senators, Congressmen and various aids and
lobbyists ran outside away from the buildings, or into underground bomb
shelters. It was reported that there were several injuries as people were
trampled in the melee.



At the White House, President Bush and the White House staff evacuated to
the secure bunker below the West Wing, and the Vice President was whisked to
an undisclosed location under his desk. For the next twenty minutes, all
government work stopped while everyone in Washington attempted to cover
their behinds.



The Fiesta was finally re-acquired on Connecticut Avenue by Police and
Federal Security Agents, less than a mile from the White House. It is
understood that with the vehicle so close to so many important people, a
decision to fire on it with anti-tank missiles was only seconds way when the
car suddenly stopped at a Dunkin Donuts. The driver was immediately tackled
by approximately 20 uniformed and plain-clothes personnel, handcuffed,
bundled into an unmarked GMC Envoy, and driven away. Eyewitnesses described
the driver as a middle-aged woman with gray hair. The car was towed away by
DC Police, presumably to be thoroughly searched for explosives or biological
agents.



Thomas Nimrod, spokesman for the Federal Office Of Lamentable Security
(FOOLS), issued the following statement this afternoon:



"A suspected terrorist was apprehended today after gaining access to an
uncomfortable proximity to the White House. Investigations are continuing,
but it is beginning to appear that the suspect may have been a commuter who
was looking for a cup of coffee on the way to work. We will keep the media
informed of further developments. In the meantime, let me reassure you that
the system worked. Even if this particular incident proves to be a false
alarm, it clearly demonstrates the risk that uncontrolled vehicles
represent. We will continue with our diligent efforts to protect the very
important people in our Capital."






--
Bob (Chief Pilot, White Knuckle Airways)