HOW MANY GLIDER PILOTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB

Hey ! We don't want commercial postings on RAS ! Read the rules !

Are the British light bulbs left hand thread?

For years the electrical utility companies have led the public to believe
they were in business to supply electricity to the consumer, a service for
which they charge a substantial rate. The recent accidental acquisition of
secret records from a well known power company has led to a massive research
campaign which positively explodes several myths and exposes the massive
hoax which has been perpetrated upon the public by the power companies.
The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs emitted
light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK which is then
transported back to the power generation stations via wire networks. A more
descriptive name has now been coined; the new scientific name for the device
is DARKSUCKER.

The darksucker theory establishes the fact that dark has great mass, and
further, that dark particle (the anti-photon) is the fastest known particle
in the universe. Apparently, even the celebrated Dr. Albert Einstein did not
suspect the truth.. that just as COLD is the absence of HEAT, LIGHT is
actually the ABSENCE of DARK... scientists have now proven that light does
not really exist!

The basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck dark.
Take for example, the darksuckers in the room where you are right now. There
is much less dark right next to the darksuckers than there is elsewhere,
demonstrating their limited range. The larger the darksucker, the greater
its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a parking lot or on a football
field have a much greater capacity than the ones in used in the home, for
example.

It may come as a surprise to learn that darksuckers also operate on a
celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of dense dark, sucking
it in from all the planets and intervening dark space. Naturally, the Sun is
better able to suck dark from the planets which are situated closer to it,
thus explaining why those planets appear brighter than do those which are
far distant from the Sun.

Occasionally, the Sun actually oversucks; under those conditions, dark spots
appear on the surface of the Sun. Scientists have long studied these
'sunspots' and are only recently beginning to realize that the dark spots
represent leaks of high pressure dark because the Sun has oversucked dark to
such an extent that some dark actually leaks back into space. This leakage
of high pressure dark frequently causes problems with radio communications
here on Earth due to collisions between the dark particles as they stream
out into space at high velocity via the black 'holes' in the surface of the
Sun.

As with all manmade devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime caused by
the fact that they are not 100% efficient at transmitting collected dark
back to the power company via the wires from your home, causing dark to
build up slowly within the device. Once they are full of accumulated dark,
they can no longer suck. This condition can be observed by looking for the
black spot on a full darksucker when it has reached maximum capacity of
untransmitted dark... you have surely noticed that dark completely surrounds
a full darksucker because it no longer has the capacity to suck any dark at
all. This is when the soaring pilots need to assemble to change the
darksucker (known as light bulb)

A candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will
notice that after the first use the wick turns black, representing all the
dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of
an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the way of
the dark flowing into the candle. It is of no use to plug a candle into an
electrical outlet; it can only collect dark.. it has no transmission
capabilities. Unfortunately, these primitive darksuckers have a very limited
range and are hazardous to operate because of the intense heat produced.
They can be used in all metal sailplanes, but are not good in fabric or
plastic ones.

Dark has great mass. When dark is drawn into a darksucker, friction caused
by the speed and mass of the dark particles (called anti-photons) actually
generates substantial heat, thus it is unwise to touch an operating reach a
depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is
because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake, making it appear
'lighter' near the surface.

The power companies have learned to use the dark which has settled to the
bottom of lakes and rivers by pushing it through turbines, which generates
the electricity used to pump the dark toward the ocean where it may be
safely stored for their devious purposes.

To test this dark theory, all that is required for the simple test is a
closed desk drawer situated in a bright room. You know from past experience
that the tightly shut drawer is FULL of dark. Now, place your hand firmly on
the drawer's handle. Quickly yank the drawer open.. the dark immediately
disappears, demonstrating the blinding speed with which the dark travels to
the nearest darksucker!

The secrets of dark are at present known only to the power companies. Dark
must be very valuable, since they go to such lengths to collect it in vast
quantities. By some well hidden method, more modern power 'generation'
facilities have devised methods to hide their collection of dark. The older
facilities, however, usually have gargantuan piles of solidified dark in
huge fenced in areas. Visitors to these facilities are told that the huge
black piles of material are supplies of coal, but such is not the case. It
was recently discovered that the trains full of what was thought to be coal
are actually going away from the power generation facilities.

I suspect that the originator of this thread may know that there are not
light bulbs and wished only to distract the truth.

Colin

I can change a light bulb by myself.
Since Im a pilot, I just hold the lightbulb up to the socket,
And the world revolves around me.

-Dan

At 23:30 20 September 2005, Joe wrote:

FS 110V, 60 Watt Bulb, NDH.


Joe



Joe-

I heard this particular bulb has been taken up high
in the wave and has finish damage. Buyer beware.

On Tue, 20 Sep 2005 10:47:17 GMT, "Mal" wrote:

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been
changed.

I'd nominate this thread as the "Best thread of 2005" - best laugh
(also by the other positings of this thread) I had this year in RAS.


Bye
Andreas

Who's to say that we want a light bulb? Sometimes a heavy bulb is better,
wing loading and all that.

Don't forget that fluorescent bulbs require ballast.

Alas, that ballast is a light one, so there will less wing loading than
with a non-fluorescent light bulb.

However, I do find the fluorscent ones perfect for a 0-.5 kt max climb
rate day as they suck the optium amount of dark out of such light
soaring conditions.

See the article by Dick Johnson in Soaring, the chapter in Derek
Piggott's Understading Gliding, and the powerpoint link at Tom Knauff's
web page.

I'd nominate this thread as the "Best thread of 2005" - best laugh
(also by the other positings of this thread) I had this year in RAS.

Andreas,

You have contributed to this thread without throwing any additional
light on the subject. It really wasn't expected to be taken
light-heartedly.

There is a good chance the thread will survive all of the coming dark
winter nights without switching context.

HOW MANY GLIDER PILOTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

As many as possible. I believe the saying is "Many hands make LIGHT work!"

At 06:18 21 September 2005, Roger Worden wrote:
HOW MANY GLIDER PILOTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT
BULB?


Folk, Gentlemen and Club Managers - lend me your lugs.

There's money to be made here.

Employ five agressive feminists - who will take five
(aggresssive) hours to do the job - and CBS (or the
British Channel 4) will PAY through the nose to make
a 10 hour documentary out of it !

sta13.