Humour: CO DATA PAGE TERMINOLOGY CAT:BTN SUB:DES PGE:TRM

CO DATA PAGE TERMINOLOGY CAT:BTN SUBES PGE:TRM

As you are all aware, the airlinr industry in which we work has it's own
unique set of terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used
terms and their definitions.

PASSENGER - A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in
pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and
easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures
collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is
usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species:
Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.

PRE-BOARD - Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure.

VOLUNTARY OVERSALE - A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is
coming off the flight.

NO-RECORD - Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

NON-REVENUE POSITION - Usually can be identified by the fact that these
passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant
uniforms. Non-revenue position are permitted to fly first class free of
charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class
passenger charges.

GROUP - A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) travelling together.
The group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar until the
required pre-board time of five minutes before departure, or until there are
no seats left together, whichever occurs last. Reservation agents are
prohibited form pre-assigning seats to groups as this may convenience them.

SIGN - An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children.
Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the
airport, i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.

POSITION CLOSED - This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which
when interpreted by the passenger says, "Form line here."

BAGGAGE CLAIM - The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is
usually hidden by numerous signs saying, "Baggage Claim Area."

CARRY ON BAG - An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed
to fit under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what
the passenger says the following are not acceptable as carry-on items:
bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide screen
projection TVs.

FLIGHT SCHEDULE - An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

ON-TIME - An obscure term, meaning unknown.

FOG - A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs around an airport
while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and
is used to delay flights.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL - A game played by airline pilots and air traffic
controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played,
but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to
make connecting flights.

TICKET AGENT - A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding
ability of an Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the
compassion of a psychoanalysts, and and the tact of a diplomat. They have
mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather
phenomenon. They are capable of answering three questions at one time, while
talking on the phone, and without stuttering or choking on their tongue. In
later life they parks carrying on mysterious conversations with themselves.



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