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#1
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Step away from the cake, ma'am
Step away from the cake, ma'am
The latest follies of US airport security are pushing travellers to the limits, says Tony Allen-Mills Britons rushing to America to take advantage of the sinking dollar would do well to heed the latest US security warning. The Transportation Security Administration - also known to frequent flyers as Thousands Standing Around - has advised passengers not to travel with fruitcake. Apparently, the dense composition of "heavy" foods such as fruitcake and Christmas pudding might be mistaken for explosives by airport screening machines. A passenger whose baggage triggers an alarm might in turn be subject to intensive search procedures - and those are no laughing matter. No unsuspecting Briton flying in or out of Fortress America is safe from a poke in the groin or a fondle under the bra. While few of us begrudged the enhanced security that smothered American airports after the tragedy of 9/11, a recent tightening of already intensive screening procedures is provoking increasing passenger resistance. Here's the kind of thing you can now expect to see at any American airport. Jenepher Field, 71, a grandmother who walks with a cane, was led aside at Kansas City airport for a private inspection of her breasts. When an 83-year-old California woman was subjected to similar treatment, she complained to the screener: "For God's sake, what are you looking for? I've never had anyone do that to me before." Nor are men immune, as I learnt when flying back to Washington after a holiday in France this month. I don't really look the Arab-terrorist type - I'm blond, with blue eyes - and I was travelling with my wife and 18-month-old baby, not something your average terrorist tends to do. None of which saved me from a hand down my trousers after I was hauled aside for a random check on the gangway leading to the aircraft. I couldn't help noticing, as my wife and baby stood helplessly by and a screener peered at the metal studs on my Mexican cowboy belt, that several Arab-looking males were sauntering onto the plane. Of course, that's a racist observation, but it's also the crux of America's problem. Billions of dollars are being spent on unpleasantly invasive security procedures that are applied to who, exactly? Kansas grandmothers and blond Englishmen? The TSA responds that Al-Qaeda is almost certainly probing US airports for signs of potential weakness. If Osama Bin Laden notices that a certain group of traveller is immune from security checks, he will refine his recruiting efforts. "The suggestion that our screeners should pay less attention to grandmas and babies is like giving a free pass to terrorists," declares James Loy, former head of the TSA. I suppose it's just about possible that Bin Laden could find an American grandmother willing to board a plane with a baby packed with explosives. Yet I'm far from alone in wondering if the random nature of these checks owes more to the administration's fear of being sued for discrimination if it singles out suspect groups - single Arab males, for one. In Fortress America, a new book on post-9/11 security, Matthew Brzezinski quotes a former security director of El Al, the Israeli state airline, as laughing at American procedures. According to Offer Einav, at least 80% of airline travellers are good citizens who present no danger. El Al's system of passenger profiling aims to identify these citizens so that security resources can be concentrated on the 20% who may present a risk. "Israel's passenger profiling differed fundamentally from the American version," writes Brzezinski. "It was used not to roll the dice in the hope of ferreting out potential hijackers during a random check, but primarily to identify and eliminate honest travellers." So, what can a British family do to avoid being singled out for so-called secondary screening (look for the dreaded SSSS alert on your boarding passes)? Let me pass on a helpful tip. Choose your Christmas presents carefully. After a quick trip to Iowa earlier this year, I stopped at an antiques shop in Des Moines on my way back to the airport in the hope of adding to my collection of arcane American objects. I found a delightful tin can, covered with ancient red paint and bearing a handsome spout. It was perhaps 75 years old, and I thought it would make an unusual vase to put on the dining-room table. What I liked most about it was the yellow lettering that spelt out the word GASOLINE. I suppose some part of me knew that turning up at an American airport with a petrol can, even an old and empty one, might prove a risky venture. I figured I could persuade them that a terrorist would scarcely attempt to check in with a suitcase marked "Bomb". Well, you can imagine the rest. I missed my plane, supervisors were summoned, security lines were paralysed, and I was given a long lecture about security being no joke. I eventually got the can back to DC, but only after the captain of the next available flight agreed to take the risk of flying me. Happy trails, everyone. And stay away from the fruitcake. |
#2
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"Chris" wrote in message ... Step away from the cake, ma'am The latest follies of US airport security are pushing travellers to the limits, says Tony Allen-Mills Apparently, the dense composition of "heavy" foods such as fruitcake and Christmas pudding might be mistaken for explosives by airport screening machines. Anything that reduces the amount of fruitcake in the world is a worthwhile proposition. |
#3
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"Michael 182" wrote in message news:minxd.214071$5K2.93235@attbi_s03... "Chris" wrote in message ... Step away from the cake, ma'am The latest follies of US airport security are pushing travellers to the limits, says Tony Allen-Mills Apparently, the dense composition of "heavy" foods such as fruitcake and Christmas pudding might be mistaken for explosives by airport screening machines. Anything that reduces the amount of fruitcake in the world is a worthwhile proposition. That type of fruitcake needs to be eaten with a fine white Stilton cheese. The cheese balances the richness of the cake. |
#4
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I know there must be something wrong with me, but I actually like fruitcake.
;-) mike regish "Michael 182" wrote in message news:minxd.214071$5K2.93235@attbi_s03... "Chris" wrote in message ... Step away from the cake, ma'am The latest follies of US airport security are pushing travellers to the limits, says Tony Allen-Mills Apparently, the dense composition of "heavy" foods such as fruitcake and Christmas pudding might be mistaken for explosives by airport screening machines. Anything that reduces the amount of fruitcake in the world is a worthwhile proposition. |
#5
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"mike regish" wrote:
I know there must be something wrong with me, but I actually like fruitcake. ;-) mike regish You're not alone! We get one every year from Collin St. Bakery in Corsicana, TX. They are excellent. Mike |
#6
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#7
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Ahh...fruitcakes. Great ammuniton if you run out of flour bags doing
target runs with your Skyhawk. |
#8
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Anything that reduces the amount of fruitcake in the world is a worthwhile
proposition. Certainly, anything that reduces the amount of typical Canadian/US fruitcake, and the price conscious European fruitcake is a good thing. But to eradicate the real thing would be sacreligious! Ahhh - but how do you tell I hear you asking - and if you weren't asking, you're gonna hear anyway The best Christmas cake - which is traditionally a richly decorated high quality fruit cake, and the better quality Christmas puddings, are made one year ahead - the one you make this year is for next Christmas. It is very dense with fruit and contains generous amounts of brandy. Every couple of months you unwrap it, poke holes through it and add more brandy. Just before Christmas you decorate it. If it doesn't have enough fruit or brandy it spoils. If it does have enough, it matures, just like wine does. Or, you order one from Fortnum and Mason - not as good as the best homemade, but reasonably close and a lot less work. But these that I see in Canada - that actually contain colouring to make them look dark - lets ship the whole lot through US Customs - hopefully they'll blow them all up. Tony - who makes the best brandy sauce on the West Coast -- Tony Roberts PP-ASEL VFR OTT Night Cessna 172H C-GICE |
#9
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mike regish wrote: I know there must be something wrong with me, but I actually like fruitcake. ;-) My grandmother used to make one of the best fruitcakes I ever tasted. I liked hers, at least. George Patterson The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise. |
#10
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Chris wrote:
Nor are men immune, as I learnt when flying back to Washington after a holiday in France this month. I don't really look the Arab-terrorist type - I'm blond, with blue eyes - and I was travelling with my wife and 18-month-old baby, not something your average terrorist tends to do. None of which saved me from a hand down my trousers after I was hauled aside for a random check on the gangway leading to the aircraft. Any man putting his hand down my trousers will have some serious hurt on him. And, I don't care if it's some TSA fruitcake (no pun intended). That's an improper search by TSA's own rules, in public or in the private room. Also, I like fruitcake. I never understood the problem, unless there are a lot of people out there that don't know how to make one. -- Jim carry on |
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