Can you answer these questions?

satire

(1) I gotta buy a flight bag. Which one should I buy?

(2) What should I keep in that flight bag?

(3) Which flash light should I buy for night flight?

(4) My wife needs a headset. Given that you do not know her or for that
matter, haven't seen her, Can you tell me which headset should I buy
for her?

(5) I just soloed, which sunglasses do I need?

(6) I got to buy a plane this month to get a huge tax break. Which one?
Oh! and in another thread, I have posted a question about whether to
save a few bucks on a transceiver by not getting the nav feature.

(7) I am a enter profession here. I like flying, can you tell me if I
should become a professional pilot?

/satire

p.s.:

[instrcutor to student on a night flight]: In case you have an engine
failure at night and you are going down for an off-airport landing,
remember to turn the landing light on so you see where you are going to
crash.

[student]: What if I don't like what I see?
[instructor]: Turn the light off.