AirCraft Radio Communications

These are supposedly true conversations, but who knows?

Dennis.


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While taxiing at London Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air
flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you
to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta!
Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her
rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell
you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about
half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when
I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running
high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at
the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take
the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights
and return to the airport."

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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
"I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing
stupid!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 24.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our
caterers"

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
parking location, but how to get there without any assistance
from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206".

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't
land."

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got
the little Fokker in sight."

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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance
time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):

"Because you lost the bloody war."


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Dennis Hawkins
n4mwd AT amsat DOT org (humans know what to do)

"A RECESSION is when you know somebody who is out of work.
A DEPRESSION is when YOU are out of work.
A RECOVERY is when all the H-1B's are out of work."
To find out what an H-1B is and how they are putting
Americans out of work, visit the following web site
and click on the "Exporting America" CNN news video:
http://zazona.com/ShameH1B/MediaClips.htm