OT - humour..

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death .. I Shall Fear No
Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing!
(Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan).
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You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot)
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The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
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Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean
than submarines in the sky.
(From an old carrier sailor)
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If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's
probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe
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When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always
have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
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Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another
expensive flying club.
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What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and
pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up,
...the pilot dies.
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Never trade luck for skill.
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation =
a
"Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"
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Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
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Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot =
pregnant.
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Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to
successfully complete the flight.
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A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck;
three in a row is prevarication.
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I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
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Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
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Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight
bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries
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Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your
plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing
anything about it.
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When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was
forgotten. Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your
funeral will be held on a sunny day.
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Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II: When a prang
(crash) seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest
object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible.
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The Piper Cub (substitute Colt, Wilsie) is the safest
airplane in the world; ...it can just barely kill you.
(Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
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A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his
plane to its maximum.
(Jon McBride, astronaut)
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If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far
into the crash as possible.
(Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
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If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it;
ride the ******* down.
(Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)
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Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
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There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in
peacetime.
(Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
1970).
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The three best things in life are a good landing, a good
orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one
of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all
three at the same time.
(Author unknown, but surely someone who's been there)
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If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
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Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be
recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and
interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
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You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it
takes full power to taxi to the terminal.


--=20
C D Patterosn
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"Bother," said Pooh as he banked his HE-111 towards London.