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WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 1st 05, 06:20 PM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

Don't. If I have to read this hoary old chestnut again, I'll kick yer
butt!!!

You have been warned!!!



  #2  
Old December 1st 05, 06:27 PM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

John T wrote:
Don't. If I have to read this hoary old chestnut again, I'll kick yer
butt!!!


Ya know, if you'd just posted the damn thing, you only woulda seen it once or
twice. Now you'll see about a hundred of 'em.

George Patterson
Coffee is only a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to
your slightly older self.
  #3  
Old December 1st 05, 07:11 PM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

Santa's Checkride with the FAA

One day Santa was surprised to find an FAA inspector showing up on his
doorstep who insisted on giving Santa a checkride in his sleigh. Santa
protested that he wasn't flying an airplane and wasn't governed by any of
the FARs but the FAA inspector insisted he wouldn't be allowed to cross into
US airspace without an approved checkride.

So Santa relented, strapped in his reindeer and prepared the sleigh for
takeoff.

As he took his seat at the reins he noticed the FAA inspector sat down
beside him with a shotgun. Somewhat alarmed Santa asked him why he carried a
shotgun! The FAA inspector turned to Santa and, after a moment's hesitation,
said

"Well, what the heck. I'm really not supposed to tell you this ahead of time
but you're going to lose one on takeoff!"





"John T" wrote in message
...
Don't. If I have to read this hoary old chestnut again, I'll kick yer
butt!!!

You have been warned!!!





  #4  
Old December 1st 05, 08:13 PM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!


OtisWinslow wrote:
Santa's Checkride with the FAA

One day Santa was surprised to find an FAA inspector showing up on his
doorstep who insisted on giving Santa a checkride in his sleigh. Santa
protested that he wasn't flying an airplane and wasn't governed by any of
the FARs but the FAA inspector insisted he wouldn't be allowed to cross into
US airspace without an approved checkride.

So Santa relented, strapped in his reindeer and prepared the sleigh for
takeoff.

As he took his seat at the reins he noticed the FAA inspector sat down
beside him with a shotgun. Somewhat alarmed Santa asked him why he carried a
shotgun! The FAA inspector turned to Santa and, after a moment's hesitation,
said

"Well, what the heck. I'm really not supposed to tell you this ahead of time
but you're going to lose one on takeoff!"

Damn. I expected the incineration point umpteen second stop at each
house one :-(

  #5  
Old December 2nd 05, 04:32 AM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

Damn. I expected the incineration point umpteen second stop at each
house one :-(


Hey! I haven't heard that one! Please post it.

vince norris

  #6  
Old December 2nd 05, 04:51 AM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!


"vincent p. norris" wrote in message
...
Damn. I expected the incineration point umpteen second stop at each
house one :-(


Hey! I haven't heard that one! Please post it.


A Technical Analysis of Santa Claus

---------------------

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of

living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects

and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only

Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since

Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist

children, that reduces the workload to 15 percent of the total - 378 million

according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average census rate of 3.5

children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at

least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different

time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west

(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to

say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th

of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the

stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever

snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and

move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops

are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be

false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now

talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 1/2 million
miles,

not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31

hours, plus feeding, etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650

miles per second. 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of

comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe,

moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run,

tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that

each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the

sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariable

described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more

than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could

pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even

nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even

counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison -

this is four times the weight of the QE2.

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air

resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as space

crafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will

absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they

will burst into flame about instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind

them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer

team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa,

meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater

than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ridiculously slim) would be

pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's

dead now.


  #7  
Old December 3rd 05, 02:21 AM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

Thanks.

vince norris
  #8  
Old December 3rd 05, 03:02 AM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

Matt Barrow wrote:

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since
Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist
children, that reduces the workload to 15 percent of the total - 378 million
according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average census rate of 3.5
children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at
least one good child in each.


Haven't been out to eat at a nice restaurant lately, have you?

--
This is by far the hardest lesson about freedom. It goes against
instinct, and morality, to just sit back and watch people make
mistakes. We want to help them, which means control them and their
decisions, but in doing so we actually hurt them (and ourselves)."
  #9  
Old December 3rd 05, 08:15 PM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!


Matt Barrow wrote:
"vincent p. norris" wrote in message
...
Damn. I expected the incineration point umpteen second stop at each
house one :-(


Hey! I haven't heard that one! Please post it.


A Technical Analysis of Santa Claus


Ah. Thank you :-)

  #10  
Old December 2nd 05, 08:34 AM posted to rec.aviation.student,rec.aviation.piloting,rec.aviation.homebuilt
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Default WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

Thanks.

I was looking for that.

 




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