Speaking of D.B. Cooper...

Morgans wrote:
"Big John" wrote

If this keeps going, I'm going to have to tell the story about the guy
who did a #2 in a T-6 as an air cadet on one of his cross country
training flights )

Why hold back now? (the story, I mean g)

Did he get the sh*t scared out of him, or what?

When ya gotta go ya gotta go.

If your the instructor and the guy who has to go is the student, it's
always fun to pull in a little positive pitch input every once in a
while; just enough to put about .5 positive g on the airplane. It
compresses the guy's butt into the seat just a bit and "enhances the
experience" for the instructor.
And to think that before this "crappy discussion" got started I had
almost forgotten how much fun it was teaching in these airplanes. :-))

--
Dudley Henriques

On Thu, 01 Nov 2007 08:46:25 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Big John wrote:
On Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:42:33 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Paul Tomblin wrote:
In a previous article, Dudley Henriques said:
Man, you haven't pee'd till you've pee'd into one of those funny looking
red plastic pee containers at 30 thousand in an unpressurized cockpit on
the way to a show site.
I read a story about an F-16 pilot who "returned his plane to the taxpayers"
due to a mishap while trying to pee in a piddle pack.


That wouldn't be me. If you can't **** without losing the airplane,
you're too stupid to fly :-)
**********************************************8

Dudley

If this keeps going, I'm going to have to tell the story about the guy
who did a #2 in a T-6 as an air cadet on one of his cross country
training flights )

Big John

Interesting! I've had passengers do that after some of my landings.
:-)
************************************************** *********888

Dudley

OK, you asked for it. Another War Story )

Air Cadet was scheduled for a solo triangular cross country in the
T-6 from Stewart Air Field, Newburg, NY to Middletown then to DC
(that's when Student Pilots could land at Bolling Field) and then
home.

Cadet had come down with a bad case of diarrhea but wanted to complete
the X-country on schedule so didn't opt out.

Went to bath room just before take off and did his thing and took off
and was cruising along at 6-8K and the urge returned. Was about a hour
out from home plate if he turned back or an hour to Middletown next
stop so he opted to go on to Middletown.

After evaluating the situation he decided to do his thing in the bird.

1. He took a map and folded it into a cup and set aside.

2. Unfastened his seat belt (we didn't have shoulder harness in those
days)

3. Unfastened his parachute (seat pack) harness and wiggled out of it.

4. Unzipped his flight suit and took his arms out of it and pulled
down and took one leg out.

5. Took shorts down and also took one leg out.

6. This configuration left him able to fly the aircraft with
occasional hand on stick after he had trimmed it up best he could.

7. Put his feet on rudder peddles and shoulders against top of seat
and arched his back and lifted his butt off seat.

8. Slid the map cup under him on top of parachute and did his thing.
(Everything went into cup ok).

9. Still had the problem of wiping so tore a hunk out of his
undershirt and used it to clean himself up.

10. Slid cup out and set on floor boards.

11. Did the reverse. Back into shorts and pulled up. Back into flight
suit and pulled up and arms in and zipped up. Back into chute harness
and fastened straps. Fastened seat belt and all was done.

12. He then thought about landing with the full cup and having to
explain it so being in the upper half academically he crack the canopy
about 6 inches and carefully picked the cup up and with a fast motion
pushed the cup out into the slip stream on left side of aircraft. Zip
and the slip stream jerked the cup out of his hand and it disappeared.

13. Closed canopy and continued on with a smile on his face.

14. After landing at Middletown and taxing to parking area and shut
down, the line man jumped up on the wing and said what happened???
Cadet didn't know what he was tiling about?

15. After he got out he saw the poop had hit the fuselage starting by
rear cockpit and all the way back to the horizontal stabilizer where
the map had hit and stuck on leading edge. Line man got a bucket of
water and some rags and while the rest of us watched and made comments
) he washed the airplane clean.

Rest of X-coutry went well for him and after graduation he made
General. Just goes to show you that someone that smart can go to the
top )

Honest to God true story.

And now you know )

Big John

Big John wrote:
On Thu, 01 Nov 2007 08:46:25 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Big John wrote:
On Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:42:33 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Paul Tomblin wrote:
In a previous article, Dudley Henriques said:
Man, you haven't pee'd till you've pee'd into one of those funny looking
red plastic pee containers at 30 thousand in an unpressurized cockpit on
the way to a show site.
I read a story about an F-16 pilot who "returned his plane to the taxpayers"
due to a mishap while trying to pee in a piddle pack.


That wouldn't be me. If you can't **** without losing the airplane,
you're too stupid to fly :-)
**********************************************8

Dudley

If this keeps going, I'm going to have to tell the story about the guy
who did a #2 in a T-6 as an air cadet on one of his cross country
training flights )

Big John
Interesting! I've had passengers do that after some of my landings.
:-)
************************************************** *********888

Dudley

OK, you asked for it. Another War Story )

Air Cadet was scheduled for a solo triangular cross country in the
T-6 from Stewart Air Field, Newburg, NY to Middletown then to DC
(that's when Student Pilots could land at Bolling Field) and then
home.

Cadet had come down with a bad case of diarrhea but wanted to complete
the X-country on schedule so didn't opt out.

Went to bath room just before take off and did his thing and took off
and was cruising along at 6-8K and the urge returned. Was about a hour
out from home plate if he turned back or an hour to Middletown next
stop so he opted to go on to Middletown.

After evaluating the situation he decided to do his thing in the bird.

1. He took a map and folded it into a cup and set aside.

2. Unfastened his seat belt (we didn't have shoulder harness in those
days)

3. Unfastened his parachute (seat pack) harness and wiggled out of it.

4. Unzipped his flight suit and took his arms out of it and pulled
down and took one leg out.

5. Took shorts down and also took one leg out.

6. This configuration left him able to fly the aircraft with
occasional hand on stick after he had trimmed it up best he could.

7. Put his feet on rudder peddles and shoulders against top of seat
and arched his back and lifted his butt off seat.

8. Slid the map cup under him on top of parachute and did his thing.
(Everything went into cup ok).

9. Still had the problem of wiping so tore a hunk out of his
undershirt and used it to clean himself up.

10. Slid cup out and set on floor boards.

11. Did the reverse. Back into shorts and pulled up. Back into flight
suit and pulled up and arms in and zipped up. Back into chute harness
and fastened straps. Fastened seat belt and all was done.

12. He then thought about landing with the full cup and having to
explain it so being in the upper half academically he crack the canopy
about 6 inches and carefully picked the cup up and with a fast motion
pushed the cup out into the slip stream on left side of aircraft. Zip
and the slip stream jerked the cup out of his hand and it disappeared.

13. Closed canopy and continued on with a smile on his face.

14. After landing at Middletown and taxing to parking area and shut
down, the line man jumped up on the wing and said what happened???
Cadet didn't know what he was tiling about?

15. After he got out he saw the poop had hit the fuselage starting by
rear cockpit and all the way back to the horizontal stabilizer where
the map had hit and stuck on leading edge. Line man got a bucket of
water and some rags and while the rest of us watched and made comments
) he washed the airplane clean.

Rest of X-coutry went well for him and after graduation he made
General. Just goes to show you that someone that smart can go to the
top )

Honest to God true story.

And now you know )

Big John

I like pilots who can "improvise" :-))



--
Dudley Henriques

"Dudley Henriques" wrote

If you're the instructor and the guy who has to go is the student, it's
always fun to pull in a little positive pitch input every once in a while;
just enough to put about .5 positive g on the airplane. It compresses the
guy's butt into the seat just a bit and "enhances the experience" for the
instructor.
And to think that before this "crappy discussion" got started I had almost
forgotten how much fun it was teaching in these airplanes. :-))

Yep. I'm sure that many things not mention here have taken place in times
of need.

About the pulling the extra .5 G, that would be fun - for the instructor.
;-) I would imagine some quick oscillations between -.5 and quickly back to
1.5 a few times would increase the pain and pleasure in an even better way.
Of course, there is the old test pilot bit about checking a new bird for
flutter by "rapping the stick" with the butt of your hand. A quick
succession of those would be good to try, too.

I'm really quite evil, (in a calm kind of way) when I put my mind to it! g

I had recently talked about driving school bus, some. I had a couple
students in class that I enjoyed, and we liked to have fun kidding each
other, and they also rode the bus home every day. They were the last off,
or close to it, and had probably been riding for close to an hour and a half
before they got off. One of them made the mistake of telling me that they
had started the ride with a big bottle of Coke, and needed to relieve
themselves very soon, and would be glad to get off the bus.

I said, "Oh, it was a BIG mistake to tell me that!" I then proceeded to hit
every pothole (there were plenty of them on this backroad route) and rattled
the bus impressively. They were truly begging for mercy, in short order.
After a couple more good bumps, I relented. g
--
Jim in NC

Morgans wrote:
"Dudley Henriques" wrote

If you're the instructor and the guy who has to go is the student, it's
always fun to pull in a little positive pitch input every once in a while;
just enough to put about .5 positive g on the airplane. It compresses the
guy's butt into the seat just a bit and "enhances the experience" for the
instructor.
And to think that before this "crappy discussion" got started I had almost
forgotten how much fun it was teaching in these airplanes. :-))

Yep. I'm sure that many things not mention here have taken place in times
of need.

About the pulling the extra .5 G, that would be fun - for the instructor.
;-) I would imagine some quick oscillations between -.5 and quickly back to
1.5 a few times would increase the pain and pleasure in an even better way.
Of course, there is the old test pilot bit about checking a new bird for
flutter by "rapping the stick" with the butt of your hand. A quick
succession of those would be good to try, too.

I'm really quite evil, (in a calm kind of way) when I put my mind to it! g

I had recently talked about driving school bus, some. I had a couple
students in class that I enjoyed, and we liked to have fun kidding each
other, and they also rode the bus home every day. They were the last off,
or close to it, and had probably been riding for close to an hour and a half
before they got off. One of them made the mistake of telling me that they
had started the ride with a big bottle of Coke, and needed to relieve
themselves very soon, and would be glad to get off the bus.

I said, "Oh, it was a BIG mistake to tell me that!" I then proceeded to hit
every pothole (there were plenty of them on this backroad route) and rattled
the bus impressively. They were truly begging for mercy, in short order.
After a couple more good bumps, I relented. g


I'm a rather dubious character myself and I have what my wife calls a
"slightly twisted" sense of humor.
In the old days it was things like bouncing heads off the canopy doing
snaps in the S2 Pitts and taking people for pleasure flights carrying a
thick looseleaf notebook with me out to the airplane with the title
stenciled in bold white letters on the front "HOW TO FLY".
But my absolute best was our next door neighbors dog routine.
The people next door had this nutcase of a Rotweiler who had this
idiosyncrasy of being totally docile UNLESS someone made eye contact
with him. As soon as he locked eyeballs with someone he would go
absolutely nuts, charge the person, stop short and stand there barking
like hell at them. He was harmless enough but unfortunately I wasn't :-)

Anytime we had new people at the house, and I knew the dog was in the
yard next door, my wife would cringe as I deviously set the trap.
I'd tell the people that no matter what happened, no matter how strong
the temptation, when they left, no matter what, they should NOT make eye
contact with the dog next door.

Of course the instant you tell someone NOT to do something like that,
they will HAVE to do it. The temptation and human nature being what they
are :-))
Anyway, I'd clue everybody who was staying in on what to expect, and
we'd all just sit there waiting.
The door would close and within 2 seconds (I think that was the record)
the entire house would reverberate with the sound of a snaling and
barking dog!!
What a hoot!! I think the dog lived for 15 years. He never once let me down!

And you don't even want to know about the cat and the can opener :-))
DH

--
Dudley Henriques

"Dudley Henriques" wrote

What a hoot!! I think the dog lived for 15 years. He never once let me
down!

And you don't even want to know about the cat and the can opener :-))

***********************************
Damn, I hate that. Say something like the above statement, and expect that
nobody will ask?

Of course not! Like you said, for locking eyes with the dog. It's human
nature to ask about it, when you tell us NOT to ask.

But you knew that someone would want to know about the cat and the can!
(and 'prolly knew it would be me to ask first! g)

So, spill it, already! GGG
--
Jim in NC

"Dudley Henriques" wrote in message
news

I'm a rather dubious character myself and I have what my wife calls a
"slightly twisted" sense of humor.

I'd use a more ferverent adjective :~)

In the old days it was things like bouncing heads off the canopy doing
snaps in the S2 Pitts and taking people for pleasure flights carrying a
thick looseleaf notebook with me out to the airplane with the title
stenciled in bold white letters on the front "HOW TO FLY".
But my absolute best was our next door neighbors dog routine.
The people next door had this nutcase of a Rotweiler who had this
idiosyncrasy of being totally docile UNLESS someone made eye contact with
him. As soon as he locked eyeballs with someone he would go absolutely
nuts, charge the person, stop short and stand there barking like hell at
them. He was harmless enough but unfortunately I wasn't :-)

Anytime we had new people at the house, and I knew the dog was in the yard
next door, my wife would cringe as I deviously set the trap.
I'd tell the people that no matter what happened, no matter how strong the
temptation, when they left, no matter what, they should NOT make eye
contact with the dog next door.

I used to do something like that with visitors to our house with the gopher
snakes that would hang around once in a while. Ya' know, to most city
slickers, there's no distinction between a gopher snake and a rattler,
especially if you pick one up (using a glove, of course).

Hence, my wife's more fervent description on my sense of humor.

--
Matt Barrow
Performance Homes, LLC.
Cheyenne, WY

"Big John" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 01 Nov 2007 08:46:25 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Big John wrote:
On Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:42:33 -0400, Dudley Henriques
wrote:

Paul Tomblin wrote:
In a previous article, Dudley Henriques said:
Man, you haven't pee'd till you've pee'd into one of those funny
looking
red plastic pee containers at 30 thousand in an unpressurized cockpit
on
the way to a show site.
I read a story about an F-16 pilot who "returned his plane to the
taxpayers"
due to a mishap while trying to pee in a piddle pack.


That wouldn't be me. If you can't **** without losing the airplane,
you're too stupid to fly :-)
**********************************************8

Dudley

If this keeps going, I'm going to have to tell the story about the guy
who did a #2 in a T-6 as an air cadet on one of his cross country
training flights )

Big John

Interesting! I've had passengers do that after some of my landings.
:-)
************************************************** *********888

Dudley

OK, you asked for it. Another War Story )

Air Cadet was scheduled for a solo triangular cross country in the
T-6 from Stewart Air Field, Newburg, NY to Middletown then to DC
(that's when Student Pilots could land at Bolling Field) and then
home.

Cadet had come down with a bad case of diarrhea but wanted to complete
the X-country on schedule so didn't opt out.

Went to bath room just before take off and did his thing and took off
and was cruising along at 6-8K and the urge returned. Was about a hour
out from home plate if he turned back or an hour to Middletown next
stop so he opted to go on to Middletown.

After evaluating the situation he decided to do his thing in the bird.

1. He took a map and folded it into a cup and set aside.

2. Unfastened his seat belt (we didn't have shoulder harness in those
days)

3. Unfastened his parachute (seat pack) harness and wiggled out of it.

4. Unzipped his flight suit and took his arms out of it and pulled
down and took one leg out.

5. Took shorts down and also took one leg out.

6. This configuration left him able to fly the aircraft with
occasional hand on stick after he had trimmed it up best he could.

7. Put his feet on rudder peddles and shoulders against top of seat
and arched his back and lifted his butt off seat.

8. Slid the map cup under him on top of parachute and did his thing.
(Everything went into cup ok).

9. Still had the problem of wiping so tore a hunk out of his
undershirt and used it to clean himself up.

10. Slid cup out and set on floor boards.

11. Did the reverse. Back into shorts and pulled up. Back into flight
suit and pulled up and arms in and zipped up. Back into chute harness
and fastened straps. Fastened seat belt and all was done.

12. He then thought about landing with the full cup and having to
explain it so being in the upper half academically he crack the canopy
about 6 inches and carefully picked the cup up and with a fast motion
pushed the cup out into the slip stream on left side of aircraft. Zip
and the slip stream jerked the cup out of his hand and it disappeared.

13. Closed canopy and continued on with a smile on his face.

14. After landing at Middletown and taxing to parking area and shut
down, the line man jumped up on the wing and said what happened???
Cadet didn't know what he was tiling about?

15. After he got out he saw the poop had hit the fuselage starting by
rear cockpit and all the way back to the horizontal stabilizer where
the map had hit and stuck on leading edge. Line man got a bucket of
water and some rags and while the rest of us watched and made comments
) he washed the airplane clean.

Rest of X-coutry went well for him and after graduation he made
General. Just goes to show you that someone that smart can go to the
top )

Honest to God true story.

And now you know )

Big John


Must not have been a REAL bad case of diarrhea or he probably wouldn't have
been able to read all the instructions, much less get past step 2.....or 3
at the most. :^)

BS, TP

Morgans wrote:
"Dudley Henriques" wrote

What a hoot!! I think the dog lived for 15 years. He never once let me
down!

And you don't even want to know about the cat and the can opener :-))

***********************************
Damn, I hate that. Say something like the above statement, and expect that
nobody will ask?

Of course not! Like you said, for locking eyes with the dog. It's human
nature to ask about it, when you tell us NOT to ask.

But you knew that someone would want to know about the cat and the can!
(and 'prolly knew it would be me to ask first! g)

So, spill it, already! GGG

Well......first of all, you need to own a cat (actually an oxymoron).
Then you have to be at a party with friends that will be attending a
party of your own in about a week's time.
You plant the seed by calmly interjecting into the conversation at some
point that you have the smartest cat in the entire world; a cat who is
SO smart he uses a can opener to open his own cat food each day.

Naturally there is laughter and disbelief at this announcement. You just
let it ride and say little more about it.

Now comes the good part. The day of your own party to be attended by the
same people at the last one where you mentioned the cat, you attach a
can opener to the wall about 3 inches from the floor in the room next to
the one the party will be in and stack 3 cans of cat food next to it.
The people arrive and the fun starts when people begin to wander around
notice the can opener and cat food and begin to remember vaguely what
you had said about the cat.

If you're really lucky, the party can go quite a while with people not
actually wanting to be the first ask to see the cat do the opening and
it's a real hoot watching people meander into the other room every two
minutes or so just in case they might be missing the cat opening the
food with the opener. Where it REALLY gets funny is when and if the cat
actually walks into the other room. I've actually seen the cat start a
fair sized stampede following him when this happened :-)
Finally after everybody has been totally convinced that the cat CAN
actually open the food this way, you give in and tell them it was a gag.
Then RUN!! :-)
You can only do this once with the same gang, but it's great fun.

--
Dudley Henriques

"Dudley Henriques" wrote in message
...

Man, you haven't pee'd till you've pee'd into one of those funny looking
red plastic pee containers at 30 thousand in an unpressurized cockpit on
the way to a show site.

I wondered how the fighter pilots managed that sort of thing.

The author of "Wing Ding"--a rascal of a gentleman who was a B-17
tailgunner--told me the first time he saw a FW-190 he was suffering from
severe gas cramps and trying to take a dump in his flak helmet--armor, mae
west, flying suit, bunny suit, uniform, long johns, all down-- and trying
not to touch bare skin to metal.

Apparently it had an amazing laxative effect.

-c