Round Engines

DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE *WHO FLEW BEHIND ROUND ENGINES

We gotta get rid of *those turbines, they're ruining aviation and our
hearing... *

A turbine is too simple minded, it has no *mystery. The air travels
through it in a straight line and doesn't *pick up any of the pungent
fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat. *

Anybody can start a turbine. You just need *to move a switch from "OFF"
to "START" and then remember to move it *back to "ON" after a while. My
PC is harder to start. *

Cranking a round engine requires skill, *finesse and style. You have to
seduce it into starting. It's like *waking up a beautiful and classy
mistress. Treat her right and you're *in for a thrill. *Abuse her and
you'll regret it!!!! *

On some turbine planes, the pilots aren't *even allowed to start the
engine...
Turbines start by whining for a while, and then give a lady-like *poof
and start whining a little louder. *

Round engines give a satisfying *rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big *macho explosion or two, more clicks, a lot
more smoke and finally a *serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a
GUY thing... *

When you start a round engine, your mind *is engaged and you can
concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a *turbine is like flicking on
a ceiling fan: Useful, but hardly *exciting.

When you have started his round *engine successfully your Crew Chief
looks up at you like he'd let you *kiss his girl, too!

Turbines don't break *or catch fire often enough, which leads to aircrew
boredom, *complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and
sounds *like it's going to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the
*mind!
***
Turbines *don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's
*attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.*

Turbines smell like a *Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps. Round
engines smell like *God intended machines to smell.