Humour airplanes and women

"Montblack" wrote:
("Bob Noel" wrote)
what about the joke about the duck(?) that walks into
a bar. The bartender says "hey, we have a drink named
after you". The duck says "you have a drink named Phil?"

ok, maybe that wasn't funny.


Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders
himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar
and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says,
"What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and
two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."


Hey don't blam me if they aren't funny - I don't write 'em - I just rip 'em
off! :-)

"You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."

Hehehe...

"Jim Logajan" wrote in message
.. .
"Montblack" wrote:
("Bob Noel" wrote)
what about the joke about the duck(?) that walks into
a bar. The bartender says "hey, we have a drink named
after you". The duck says "you have a drink named Phil?"

ok, maybe that wasn't funny.


Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders
himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar
and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says,
"What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and
two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."


Hey don't blam me if they aren't funny - I don't write 'em - I just rip
'em
off! :-)

Now that was funny and is of English origin I can tell.

Jim Logajan wrote:

"Montblack" wrote:

("Bob Noel" wrote)

what about the joke about the duck(?) that walks into
a bar. The bartender says "hey, we have a drink named
after you". The duck says "you have a drink named Phil?"

ok, maybe that wasn't funny.


Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"


Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Not funny? Okay...

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and
say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three
books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed
and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire
another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the
librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The
librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what
they request, and decides to follow them.

She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At
this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two
chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was
saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

Don't quit your day job ... unless you are a stand-up comic. :-)

Matt

Hehehe.. love it!

Dave


On 16 Jan 2006 18:41:37 GMT, Blanche wrote:



Peter:

I've used the line "screw you" once. But the entire comment was

"I'd say screw you, but you're not my type".

Completely confounded the other person!!

A priest , rabi and a minister walk into a bar.

so they raise the bar. :-)

Jon Kraus



Jim Logajan wrote:

"Montblack" wrote:

("Bob Noel" wrote)

what about the joke about the duck(?) that walks into
a bar. The bartender says "hey, we have a drink named
after you". The duck says "you have a drink named Phil?"

ok, maybe that wasn't funny.


Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"


A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders
himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar
and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says,
"What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and
two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."


Hey don't blam me if they aren't funny - I don't write 'em - I just rip 'em
off! :-)

Montblack wrote:
("Blanche" wrote)
Actually, when you study the sociology of humor, you discover that
almost all jokes are offensive. Humor by its nature is rather cruel,
even the most minor ones.

Think about it...think about what makes you laugh.


On TV, apparently it's hitting men in he groin. Where's the outrage...!!

I rarely watch sitcoms on tv -- and this is one of the reasons. The
only justification for a groin kick is immediate danger.

Blanche wrote:

The only justification for a groin kick is immediate danger.

According to a self-defense class I once took, you should never try for a groin
kick. The prospective victim reacts instinctively to defend this area, so it's
actually very difficult to connect. If you do connect, the pain is delayed a few
seconds, and the now-infuriated victim is very likely to do serious damage to you.

The instructor recommended that you kick the knee joint instead. It's much
easier to connect there, and the joints are fragile and not designed to be bent
backwards. Best of all; if you connect, the victim is immediately incapacitated.

George Patterson
Coffee is only a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to
your slightly older self.

George Patterson wrote:

Blanche wrote:

The only justification for a groin kick is immediate danger.


According to a self-defense class I once took, you should never try for
a groin kick. The prospective victim reacts instinctively to defend this
area, so it's actually very difficult to connect. If you do connect, the
pain is delayed a few seconds, and the now-infuriated victim is very
likely to do serious damage to you.

The instructor recommended that you kick the knee joint instead. It's
much easier to connect there, and the joints are fragile and not
designed to be bent backwards. Best of all; if you connect, the victim
is immediately incapacitated.

Personally, I prefer the "action at a distance" methods of self-defense.
:-)


Matt

Matt Whiting writes:

[...] The instructor recommended that you kick the knee joint
instead. [...]

Personally, I prefer the "action at a distance" methods of
self-defense. :-)

That's cool, but if you're in a self-defense situation, only the rare
perp is considerate enough to have taken your preferences into account.

- FChE