The Cat and Duck Method of Instrument Flying





Today's flight age is an era highlighted with increasing emphasis on safety.
Instrumentation in the cockpit and in ATC has reached new heights of
electronic perfection to assist the pilot during take-off's, flight and
landing. For whimsical contrast to these and other marvels of scientific
flight engineering, it is perhaps opportune to remind pilots of the basic
rules concerning the so called Cat and Duck Method of Flight.



Place a live cat on the cockpit floor. Because a cat ( when dropped ) always
remains upright, he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely
watch to see which way the cat leans to determine which wing is low.



The duck is used for the instrument approach and landing. Because any
sensible duck will refuse to fly in IMC conditions, it is only necessary to
hurl you duck out of the aircraft, and follow it to the ground.



There are some limitations to the Cat and Duck Method , but by rigidly
adhering to the following check list, a fair degree of success will be
achieved.



· Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at all, at
any time.

It may be necessary to get a large fierce dog in the cockpit to keep the cat
at attention.

· Make sure that your cat is clean. Dirty cats will spend all their
time washing. Trying to follow a cat licking itself usually results in a
flick-roll, followed by a flat spin. You can see that this is very
unsanitary.

· Old cats are best. Young cats have nine lives, but an old used-up
cat with only one life left has just as much to loose as you do, and will
therefore be more dependable.

· Beware of cowardly Ducks. If the duck discovers that you are using
the cat to stay upright she will refuse to leave without the cat. Ducks are
no better at instrument flying than you are!

· Be sure that the duck has good eyesight. Near sighted ducks often
go flogging off into the nearest hill. Very short sighted ducks will not
realise that they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a
sitting position. This manoeuvre is quite difficult to follow in an
aeroplane.

· Use a land loving duck. It is very discouraging to break cloud and
find yourself on short finals for a Yorkshire village duck pond. Yorkshire
farmers suffer from an insanity when chasing crows off their fields and will
shoot anything that flies.

· Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks with geese.
Whilst geese are competent instrument fliers, they seldom wish to go in the
sane direction as you. If your duck heads off for the nearest Wildfowl
Trust, you may be sure that you have been "given the goose".