I got the camera I *didn't want* for Christmas - HELP!

After lurking for some time, I have the need to ask you pros in here for a
bit of conversation/guidance about cameras.

I am an old-school chemical film SLR buff. Actually augmented the yearly
income with a few pix. Been out of practice since the digital age. I've
read a few reviews in a few mags (which I really don't trust, since most
sound like paid info-mercials)

The s.o. knew I was thinking about getting back into photography. She
thought she'd be nice and buy a camera for me... I got one of those about
the size of a deck of cards, which I will refuse to use.

Will take it back and splurge on a digi-SLR. Money is not a big object.

I like motion shots as well as stills.

The questions:

Which has the best shutter-release trigger? (I don't want to take a shot
only to see it occur two seconds after I trigger it)

Which has the better selection of lenses? (Don't some of them still utilize
the bayonet or threaded lenses of old? Are the oldies adaptable?)

Dollar for dollar the concensus fave?

Are the controls as "dinkable" as the old film SLRs (speeds/f-stops/manual
focusing/timed exposures)??

Are the built-in flashes worth a hoot?

Not trying to start a war between posters... just needing a bit of guidance
after Santa dropped the wrong camera off at the wrong house.

Thanks to all in advance.