Survival Rifle III

"I read your posts about a survival rifle and lemme tell you, you just
don't understand the modern Ami-rican mind. What you want is THIS
(shows me a rusty 'Daisy' 'Red Ryder' BB gun). Now this here's a BB
gun. If you lived in the right part of Ami-rica during the right TIME
to be living there, then you had one of these. (Pats the stock.) But
nowadayz if you got one of these you wouldn't BELIEVE all the ****
that comes down. So just stick one of these in your plane some
place. I keep this one wired to the main-spar but you can put it just
about any wheres. Then you make sure that IF you ever go down off the
grid that the FIRST thing they say about it is that your family and
friends aren't worried because you've got a BB GUN on board!

Now, as soon as all them bleeding hearts see that in the papers and
hear it on the TV, they'll clutch their chests and stagger to the bar
whilst whipping out their cell phones and hitting '3' which is the
speed-dial for their Congressman, the same one they've bribed all
these years with all that 'political contribution' bull pucky crap,
cuz as everbody KNOWS, a BB gun is the first step on that slippery
slope to voting a straight Republicant ticket.

And surer than God mad little green apples, you'll barely have time to
shake the aruminum outten your hair when two deputies and an insane
German Shepard -- and I MEAN a shepard, not a dog -- will come driving
up and slap the cuffs on you and say real nasty-like, "We hear you got
a BB GUN in that there aeroplane of yours."