Cirrus attracting pilots with 'The Wrong Stuff'?

Good grief!!! (while LMAO)

That tongue of yours is buried pretty deep in that cheek; are you going =
to be able to return it to its normal position (assuming its current =
location is NOT normal, of course), or are you gonna need surgery??

Mike T.
--=20
When I had Money, I could fly.
Then I got Married...then we got a Mortgage...then we had a Munchkin.
She has three Ms, I have none. I'm...
2Poor2Fly4Real

(remove "nospam" from address for direct replies)


"C J Campbell" wrote in message =
...
John Kerry has been blaming the Bush administration for the rash of =
Cirrus
crashes. Kerry says that number of Cirrus accidents has increased
dramatically since Bush took office. He is calling for a special =
independent
commission to determine what Bush knew about the dangers of flying =
Cirrus
aircraft and when he knew it.
=20
The White House responds that the Cirrus was mostly developed during =
the
Clinton administration. They say that the President introduced several =
items
of legislation to make Cirrus aircraft safer and that Kerry voted for =
these
proposals, but now Kerry claims that he based his vote on bad =
information
given to him by the Bush administration. He alleged a Republican =
conspiracy
to make him "look bad" by tricking him into voting for things he would =
not
have supported had he known all the facts. Then he went on to attack =
Bush
for being stupid and for acting without ascertaining the facts.
=20
Kerry says that if elected he will require all Cirrus aircraft to =
carry a
placard to avoid slips with flaps extended. He will also conduct an
investigation into the role of Cirrus airplanes in creating =
chemtrails.
Colin Powell responded that he supported the placard all along, but =
that he
has information that chemtrails are actually being caused by Lancairs.
=20
"USA Toaday" ran an editorial suggesting that Cirrus aircraft may =
actually
be manufactured by Al Qaeda terrorists who are deliberately sabotaging =
the
aircraft and causing them to crash. A guest editorial written by =
Chicago
mayor Richard M. Daley agreed and said that the only way to deal with =
the
problem would be to ground all Piper Cubs immediately. Daley went on =
to say
that the poor safety record of Cirrus aircraft proves that his =
decision to
close Meigs was the right one.
=20
The highly respected Internet trade publication "Aviation News =
Network" said
that the crashes were all caused by the wings falling off the =
airplanes.
Publisher Jim 'Zzzzoom' Campbell, just returned from testing the new =
and
extremely secret Aurora III in the Martian atmosphere, announced that =
he was
suing just about everybody. Well-known "Klyde Morris" cartoonist Wes
Oleszewski said he was attacked and beaten up by FAA goons while =
attempting
to photograph Cirrus crash sites. Oleszewski said that the attack was
instigated by AVweb in a blatant effort to suppress dissent.
=20
"Stop the Noise" is suing Cirrus pilots for creating excess noise when =
they
crash and for allowing their aircraft to crash in inhabited areas.
=20
The United Association of Usenet Anarchists and Nazis Who Cannot Spel =
has
worked to come up with there own plans for preventing Sirius pilots =
from
loosing control of there aircraft. Plans include storing the the =
airplanes
in hangers. "If you can't afford to pout you're plane in a hanger," =
said
"Badwater Bill," "then you deserve to loose it. Knot only that, you =
should
be left out in the dessert somewhere. I hate people, anyway. I need a
drink."
=20
One safety plan developed by an independent consultant known only as
"Michael" would require all pilots to log 1,000 hours solo pilot in =
command
time in Cirrus aircraft performing loops, spins and rolls before being
allowed to touch the controls. This plan competes with the proposal of =
"Ron
Lee" that unsafe or inexperienced pilots should be forced to kill =
themselves
in other brands of aircraft before they are allowed to fly in a =
Cirrus.
=20
"Larry Dighera" said that the fatality rate was not a problem anyway, =
since
most Cirrus purchasers are rich and that therefore they are probably
Republicans. "Who cares what happens to them?" asked "Dighera." =
Respected
aeronautical engineer "Tarver" said that the problem lay in the =
Cirrus'
interface with the digital muffler bearings, which he said did not =
meet the
specifications of FAA TSO-C70a. "Tarver" declared that the problem was =
so
bad that he expected that the Cirrus would never receive a type =
certificate.
"Tom Sixkiller" said that the problem was caused by the Klapmeiers'
religious beliefs. "Steven P. McNicoll" declared that the crashes were
caused by high taxes.
=20
A third proposal developed by a consortium of world famous flight
instructors headed by "CJ Campbell" was immediately dismissed as being =
based
on a pack of lies. Although no one can now find a copy of the =
proposal,
rumor has it that the world famous flight instructors wanted Cirrus to =
give
a brand new Cirrus SR22 airplane to every flight instructor.
=20
The owner of the Alexis Park Inn posted ads requesting Cirrus parts =
that he
can hang on the walls of his new 'Cirrus Suite.' He not only posted =
those
ads, he cross-posted them, posted them again, and then added them to =
his
Usenet signature.
=20
The Internet Oracle could not be reached for comment.
=20