Antonov vs Galaxy cockpit

On Thu, 1 Jul 2004 00:22:26 +0100, Paul J. Adam wrote:

I'm not aware of any infantry NBC suit having inbuilt relief facilities:
in theory, there are procedures to obtain relief while suited when
circumstances allow. In practice, 'do it in the suit'.

My worst MOPP experience was during an exercise at Camp Bullis in San
Antonio. Our tactical field site was set up a short distance away from
the other Air Force operations and all of the latrines were near them and
not us. We were forbidden to go outside of our own area without a buddy
so if you needed to use the facilities you had to find someone to go with
you and hold your hand.

During the first full day of the war we were getting loads of intelligence
pointing to an impending attack by Banana Land tac-air (notional South
American country). We were all busy with one task or another so I was
having trouble finding someone who wasn't busy during the rare moments I
wasn't busy to go to the latrine. Before I knew it the air raid sirens
were blaring and we all pulled on masks and gloves (we were already suited
up with everything else). I got under a table and tried to meditate the
feelings of my bursting bladder away.

Our Flight Commander was a good guy. I'd first met him as a 2LT fresh out
of school in the Philippines, and saw him make Captain in San Antonio
(though I still sometimes slipped and called him El Tee - he just
laughed). The attack ended though the area still had to be checked for
chemicals. I just kept meditating. Suddenly one of the Exercise
Evaluator Team members sticks his head in the tent to warn us we'd be in
MOPP for "quite a while". Just keep on meditating... The Captain,
obviously concerned for our health and well-being under a Texas sun,
announced that he wanted to *personally* see all of us drink one canteen
of water to ensure we stayed hydrated. Wah?

I crawled over to the Captain and told him of my dire bladder state. He
just looked at me for a moment and then asked, "What do you want me to do
about it?" Duh? "Let me run over to the latrines." I could see him
shaking his head no. "We have to play this as close to real-world as
possible. Do what you'd do if this were a real-world contingency."

He meant I should **** myself. Damn. Looked like I'd have to kill the
Captain.

I honestly wasn't going to be able to bring myself to **** into my suit in
front of all those people I worked with. Besides, the more I thought
about it the more I realized there just wasn't anything to be accomplished
by my soiling myself. I convinced myself that if I simply stood up and
walked out to the latrines I could justify my actions later on in whatever
type of enquiry followed. I was about to disobey a lawful order...

"ALL CLEAR!" I almost broke down in tears when an EET guy called that out.
I ran to the Captain and demanded to be allowed to go. He said yes and I
called out for someone to accompany me. Two other guys were also in dire
straits and agreed and we hot-footed it out of there.

The first amazing thing I discovered when I got inside the port-a-potty was
the incredible amount of uniform items I had to move out of the way to get
to the business at hand. The second amazing thing occurred when some of
the EET guys set off two extra GBSs (ground-burst simulators) from the
previous attack. Somehow I managed to cut off in mid-stream, stuff
everything back under-cover, and hit the ground outside the latrine
scanning for targets with my weapon. The two other guys hit the ground at
the same moment I did - couldn't of been 5 seconds after the explosions.
We all had the same story: we heard the booms and then we were outside
peering over the sites of our M-16s with no idea how we'd accomplished the
feat.

Good times.

--

-Jeff B.
yeff at erols dot com